


Friends Without Benefits.

by Saltandburnboys



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Bottom Jensen, Domestic Violence, Hurt Jensen, Jared/OFCs, Jensen/Chris - Freeform, M/M, Mention of past non/dub-con, Possessive Jared, Protective Jared, Top Jared, college boys, h/c, jensen/omcs - Freeform, oblivious boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-31
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2018-09-13 18:19:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 24,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9135904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saltandburnboys/pseuds/Saltandburnboys
Summary: Summary: Just a story about two college boys who are completely in love with each other. There's only one snag: one of them has no idea.





	1. Chapter One.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [somersault_j](https://archiveofourown.org/users/somersault_j/gifts), [lightinthehall](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lightinthehall/gifts).



> Disclaimer- this is a work of fiction; none of this ever happened. I do not own any of the actors in this story; they all belong to themselves. 
> 
> Based on this prompt from the spnkink-meme: J2 - college roommates to more.

** Friends Without Benefits. **

** Chapter One. **

Not bothering to take his eyes off the TV, Jared hands Jensen a beer as Jensen sits down next to him. 'So how'd it go?'

He sees Jensen shrug out of the corner of his eye and he's not at all surprised when his roommate replies with a distinctly unenthusiastic, 'Not great.'

'Ahhh, I get it. Not enough long in his schlong, huh?' Jared says, just about managing to keep his voice serious despite the smirk twitching at the corners of his mouth. 

'Ewwww, no,' Jensen says with a laugh and a half-hearted shove to Jared's shoulder, and Jared doesn't even have to look over at him to know he's wrinkling his nose in that adorable way he always does when Jared does, or says, something particularly gross. But the sad, deflated note is gone from his voice and that's all Jared cares about. 'And _schlong_?? Really, Jay? God, I've told you you've gotta stop reading those fucking trashy romance novels. They're clearly rotting your brain.'

He settles in closer to Jared then, their thighs brushing slightly, and Jared would be lying if he said he didn't widen his stance, just a little, to bring their legs more firmly together. Jensen needs the comfort right now after all, and Jared's more than happy to provide it. 

He's pretty good at it too, if he does say so himself. Which is not hugely surprising after all the practice he's had, because Jensen has _the_ fucking worst luck with guys; it's like he only attracts dicks who can't see how amazing he is, or how fucking lucky they are to be getting a chance with him. And every time, he comes back all beaten down and dejected, and it tugs at every protective instinct Jared has - Jensen's the best friend he's ever had, goddammit, and he hates to see him so upset. And all because of a bunch of stupid assholes. 

'You know,' Jensen says after a few moments of silence, 'he was really rude to the waiter.'

It doesn't take much to read between the lines, not with Jensen sitting beside him all hurt, sad eyes and slumped shoulders, and Jared knows instantly that a little rudeness was by no means the guy's worst sin tonight. But he doesn't call Jensen on it; knows it's not worth dragging it all up again. Better to just let this latest dick fade back into obscurity and hope any stupid comments he made fade from Jensen's mind as well.

So, instead, he opens another beer and slides it across to Jensen with a nod and a muttered 'Asshole', before he picks up the TV remote and resets the DVD back to the beginning. 

He'd been kind of planning on getting an early night tonight, but he can tell Jensen's not going to be going to bed anytime soon, and Jared's not about to leave him out here alone. Sure, it means Jared's going to feel like shit come morning, but right then, he really can't bring himself to care. 

****

Jensen doesn't go on another date for nearly three weeks after that, and even then, he seems less than keen on the idea. Jared doesn't really blame him; he's met Justin a couple of times, and he's always thought the guy was a bit of a dick. So as he watches Jensen pull on his jacket in preparation for said date, he kind of wants to tell him to skip it: to stay home with him instead and watch the new Alien movie he's got cued up and eat the pizza that's sitting on the table in front of him. He even ordered Jensen's favourite, just in case. 

But then he thinks about how down Jensen was after his disastrous date with Richard - Jared's beginning to suspect that it actually wasn't Jensen who decided to end that one before it even really began - and bites his tongue. Besides, Jensen can always bail if the date goes south, and Jared's got no problem spending the night watching this again if it does. 

 

****

 

It's barely been two hours when the door to their apartment swings opens and Jared looks over his shoulder in surprise. 'Wow, you're home earl...what the fuck is _that_?'

Jared's up and off the sofa in an instant, striding over to Jensen and taking the man's chin in his hand. Jensen pulls back, wincing slightly, but Jared just crowds in closer, his eyes caught on the bruise already starting to bloom on Jensen's cheekbone. 

His heart is beating so hard in his chest, his blood rushing like a fucking tsunami in his ears, that he barely hears Jensen's quiet, 'It's nothing.'

But he _does_ hear it, and his nostrils flare angrily in response. How can Jensen say that? How can he stand there with his cheek glowing - is that a fucking cut there too - and say 'it's nothing'? 'What happened?' he asks, voice shaking with barely concealed rage.

'Jay...'

'What. Happened, Jen? I need you to tell me...' 

_Who laid a hand on you. I need you to tell me who I need to kill._

Jensen lets out a sigh and takes off his jacket, all without looking Jared in the eye. 'Justin and I,' he says, 'just had a little disagreement about how tonight was gonna go, that's all. He thought we were going to...uh...go back to his place, and wasn't happy when I told him 'no'.'

'So he _punched_ you?' Jared asks, completely incredulous, because, yeah, he'd thought Justin was kind of a dick, but if he'd known he was an abusive dick, he never would've let the asshole anywhere near Jensen.

Jensen shrugs then like it's no big deal, and Jared has to bite his cheek to keep from snapping at him. From reaching out and giving him a damn good shake because Jensen deserves better than this - he deserves the _best_ \- and he just doesn't see it. But Jared also knows that it's not Jensen's fault, not really. Jensen's never really opened up about his past, but he's said enough for Jared to know that he's had some not very nice boyfriends, and that his dad's a grade-A asshole. But, God, does this stuff make him spitting mad. 

So, instead, Jared focuses his anger where it's deserved: on the fucker who put that bruise on Jensen's face in the first place. Justin is gonna fucking wish he'd never been born by the time Jared's finished with him, that's for sure. 

He's halfway to the door when he feels a hand curl around his bicep. 

'Don't, okay?' Jensen says, coming up beside him and pulling Jared to a stop. 'I...can we just sit and watch the movie?' 

Jared immediately shakes his head, vision blurred and tinged with red - he's gonna rip the bastard's fucking head off - and pulls his arm away from Jensen. Or tries to anyway. But Jensen tightens his grip and steps closer, looking up at Jared with wide, earnest eyes as he says, 'Please, Jared...'

 _No_ , Jared thinks, blood still boiling in his veins, _Jensen can't expect him to just let this slide. He can't..._

Except Jensen isn't letting go, and he's still looking up at Jared with those huge, pleading eyes and just...just... _goddamn it._

'Fine,' he mutters as he makes his way back over to the sofa, all but dragging Jensen along with him. His jaw is clenched so tight as he drops down onto the cushions, he swears he can hear his teeth creaking.

Jensen's hand slides down Jared's arm then and catches hold of his hand. 'Please don't be mad at me, Jay...I'm...I'm sorry, I just...I don't want you to get into trouble, it's not worth it.'

 _I'm not worth it_ is what he really means, and the anger inside Jared pulses for a moment, like it has its very own heartbeat, like it's a living, breathing creature inside of him, before he manages to push it aside. Which is necessary if he's going to get this out...and he needs to, because Jensen needs to hear it. 'It _is_ worth it, Jen. He hurt you, and he shouldn't get away with that.'

Jensen just shrugs and drops his gaze, but he doesn't turn his face away which allows Jared to get a real good look at his cheek. 'Fuck,' he breathes, bringing the fingers of his free hand up to trace lightly across Jensen's bruised cheekbone and eye. God, if it looks this bad now, it's gonna look fucking terrible in the morning. 

Jensen hisses at the gentle touch and Jared instantly pulls his hand back with a guilty, 'Sorry.' He stares at the darkening bruise for a few moments longer before he forces himself to look away; staring at it's not going to make it go away - or turn back time so tonight never happened - so torturing himself like this is only going to end badly. Like with him giving Justin's smug fucking face some matching bruises of his very own.

Which would be bad...apparently. 

So he gives Jensen's hand one last reassuring squeeze, then lets go and turns back to the TV. As he picks up the remote and presses play, he says, 'You really should tell someone, though, Jen.'

'Jared...' Jensen sighs, settling in next to him.

'Not the cops if you don't want to, but...maybe Dean Ferris. Just so Justin gets that he can't go around acting like this. 

'Just so he won't ever do this again to someone else,' Jared adds, knowing that last sentence will be the one that'll get through to his best friend.

'I...okay,' Jensen says eventually, just like Jared knew he would, and Jared feels himself relax a little knowing Justin won't get away with this, not completely. And, sure, Jared would rather Jensen was going to the Dean for himself instead of for a bunch of faceless strangers who may or may not be unfortunate enough to go on a date with Justin Fucking Hartley in the future, but it's better than nothing.

And he's knows Jensen's not going to do anything more, so it'll have to do. 

****

It's about an hour into the movie - which is surprisingly good actually; Noomi Rapace is so fucking hot - when Jensen shifts next to him, his head falling onto Jared's shoulder. Then he speaks, his voice is barely above a whisper and so damn sad that it makes Jared's heart clench painfully in his chest, 'Why does this...why do guys always...' 

He trails off, but Jared knows what he's asking. He's asked himself the same thing a thousand times, so he knows the answer too. It's because Jensen's sweet and kind and always trying to see the best in people, and some guys take advantage of that, instead of cherishing it like the gift that it is. 

And it's because Jensen overlooks some of the red flags that would turn other people off because he doesn't think he deserves any better. 

Jared doesn't say any of that, though, since he knows it won't change anything; Jensen's always going to give his heart away too easily because that's just who he is, so Jared's words would only hurt him, and Jared would rather cut out his own tongue than do that. So instead, he lies and says, 'I don't know, Jen.' 

He turns his head to look at Jensen then, and before he knows what he's doing, he's pressing a soft kiss to Jensen's temple. He realises exactly what he's doing the moment his lips touch soft skin and he almost pulls away, but, for some reason, it doesn't feel weird. Maybe because he's closer to Jensen than anyone else in the whole world; maybe because Jensen's hurting right now and Jared is just so desperate to make him feel better. 

Jensen snuffles against him suddenly, inching closer, and Jared realises that his best friend is well on his way to falling asleep on him. He smiles slightly and huffs out a quiet chuckle - Jensen falls asleep faster than anyone he's ever met - before gently manoeuvring them so that he's lying on his back with Jensen sprawled out on his front, pretty much dead to the world now. 

It's a tight fit and no mistake, there aren't many sofas in the world that can easily fit two six foot plus Texan guys, but it's not the first time they've fallen asleep together here, and Jared's fairly certain that it won't be the last. So he makes himself comfortable, one arm behind his head as a makeshift pillow, the other wrapped around Jensen so he doesn't fall off the sofa once Jared falls asleep as well. 

And half an hour later, when he finds himself watching Jensen sleep rather than watching the movie, he knows it's just because he's worried, that's all. Jensen might've hit his head or something when Justin punched him, and Jared just wants to make sure that he's okay. 

That's the only reason.

What other reason could there possibly be?

****

And if Jared _accidentally_ body-checks Justin right into the college fountain the next day, then that's a total coincidence and not something Jensen ever needs to hear about.


	2. Chapter Two.

** Chapter Two. **

** Jared. **

God, he's screwed. He's so _fucking_ screwed. 

Panic increasing by the second, Jared looks frantically across his bedroom floor, eyes skittering over the multitude of books and loose sheets strewn all over the carpet.

He's never gonna be able to learn all this by tomorrow, and he's going to fail this class and flunk out and lose his goddamn scholarship. And then he's going to have to move back home and all his hopes for the future are going to go up in smoke. 

And everything's going to be ruined.

Ruined, ruined, _ruined_...FUCK...

Unsurprisingly, he doesn't hear the door open over the deafening rush of blood in his ears, so it takes him a couple of minutes to realise that he's not alone anymore. It takes him another couple of moments to tear his eyes away from the mess on his floor - God, there's so fucking much to get into his brain by tomorrow; too fucking much - but when he finally manages it, he's sees Jensen standing in his doorway.

'Fuck, Jay, what happened?' Jensen asks, looking more than a little panicked himself as he steps into the room and closes the door behind him.

'I've got this Psych test tomorrow and I just...I don't know any of it, Jen,' Jared replies, running a shaky hand through his hair. 'I'm gonna fail, and I can't...Jen, I can't fail this class.'

And it's testament to just how on edge he is that he doesn't even register that he's got his hands clenched tightly in his hair until Jensen reaches down and pulls them away from his head. 

'Okay, calm down,' Jensen says, giving Jared's hands a gentle squeeze before letting them go and taking a seat opposite Jared. 'You're not gonna fail, Jay. Because we're gonna sit here until you know all this stuff, even if it takes all night, so you can ace your test tomorrow, alright?'

Jared stares at his best friend with wide eyes. 'We?' he says, stunned...and just a little hopeful. 'You're gonna help me?'

'Yep, and I'm an amazing tutor too, so I hope you can afford me,' Jensen says as he reaches over to pick up the closest pile of notes. 'I accept payment in beer and cookies.'

Jared's up on his knees before he even realises he's moved, grabbing Jensen and pulling him a tight hug. 'God, thank you, Jen; you have no idea what this means to me.' 

_Everything_. It means everything. 

When he pulls back, he's finally calm enough to actually register what Jensen's wearing for the first time. A crisp white shirt open at the collar and rolled up at the sleeves, his best pair of tight jeans - the ones that accentuate the curve of his ass and the bow of his legs in a way that Jared's always thought was a little obscene - and the boots he only digs out when he's going somewhere fancy.

He's dressed for a date. Shit.

'Awww, no, man, you've got a date tonight? Fuck...Jen, you should go out, I can totally handle this,' he says as casually as he can, even though he knows he can't. Even though he can already feel the first tendrils of panic seeping back under his skin at the thought of Jensen leaving.

'Nah, Chris and I can take a rain check; he won't mind,' Jensen says, not even bothering to look up from the spider-like scrawl that is Jared's lecture notes, like it's no big deal that he's ditching his plans, _and_ his date, for Jared. 'And if he does...' he trails off with a shrug, and Jared's struck by the almost overwhelming urge to hug him again. Because it's just beyond awesome that Jensen would do this for him. 

Jared's really not sure what he did to deserve Jensen as his best friend, but, fuck...he's pretty sure he should be sending one of his past selves a goddamn gift basket. 

He stares at Jensen for a few moments then - Jensen who's already completely immersed in his notes - and quickly decides that a measly gift basket really wouldn't be enough to express his gratitude for earning him this. 

Nope, not nearly enough. 

****


	3. Chapter Three.

** Chapter Three. **

** Jared. **

Jared passes Professor Morgan's test with flying colours, and as soon as he gets back to their apartment, he drags Jensen out to the college bar to celebrate. 

'Want another one?' he asks, nudging his knee against Jensen's to get his attention. 

Jensen drains the last few drops of the beer in his hand, then licks his lips and says, 'Sure, but it's my turn. You got the last round.' 

He's just managed to get to his feet when Jared grabs him around the waist and pulls him back down onto the sofa they've commandeered for the night. 'No way, man,' Jared laughs. 'I should be buying you drinks for the rest of the fucking _year_ for helping me pass that test, so these are definitely on me.'

Jensen ducks his head - adorably shy at the compliment - and Jared has to bite his cheek to keep from grinning at how cute he finds that. 'Well, okay...if you're sure?'

'Absolutely,' Jared says, getting up from the sofa himself and walking over to the bar. Once he's got the barman's attention, he holds up two fingers and waits for the guy to bring him their beers.

'I hope one of those is for me, handsome, 'cause I'm real thirsty over here.'

Jared lets out a low chuckle and turns to face the girl now standing at his side. She's pretty - long, dark hair; full lips; a rocking body - and the wicked look in her eyes is giving Jared all sorts of ideas. 

'You know, I'm not sure you deserve one after that terrible line,' he says with a smile, letting his eyes travel down her body. Letting her know that despite his teasing, he's just as interested as she is. 'Though I'm sure I could be convinced otherwise.'

'Hmm, you're probably right,' the girl says with a shrug, stepping closer and all but plastering herself against Jared's side so she can whisper her next words right into his ear. 'I'm Gen, by the way, and I promise you, I can be very, _very_ convincing, if you're up for it?'

Jared shudders at the feel of her lips brushing against his earlobe, at the promise of what's to come - _oh, he is up for it, alright_ \- and his pants are feeling more than a little tight when he replies, 'Jared, and, yeah, I think I am. Just let me go tell my buddy that I'm leaving and I'll meet you outside in five, okay?' 

A triumphant gleam replaces the sultry look in her eyes for just an instant, and there's an air of cool confidence to her voice as she says, 'Don't take too long, stud.'

Jared watches her leave, eyes trained on her back, on the way her slim hips sway temptingly with each step she takes, and _hot damn..._ she is fine.

This really is turning out to be the best day ever. 

****

'Oh good, you're back,' Jensen says as Jared places the beers on the table in front of him. 'They're just about to...' he trails off, eyebrows pulling down into a frown, when he sees Jared picking up his coat from the arm of the sofa. 'Where are you going?'

'Sorry, man, just scored me a hot date for the night,' Jared says with a wolfish grin.

Jensen stares at him for a long moment, and there's something going on behind those green eyes, something... _off_ , but before Jared can work out what it is, Jensen's face breaks out into a wide smile and he claps him on the arm. 'That's awesome, Jay. I'll make sure to stay out of your way in case you want to bring her back to our place.'

'Thanks, Jen. See you later.' And with that, Jared slides his jacket back on before weaving his way through the bar and out of the door to where Gen's waiting for him. 

'Was starting to think you'd stood me up,' she says, pushing away from the car she's leaning against and walking up to him. She doesn't give him a chance to answer, though: just reaches up and pulls him down into a kiss. 

The kiss takes Jared a little by surprise - it's been way too long since he's gotten up close and personal with anything other than his right hand - but it only takes him a second to get with the program. Fitting his hands around her tiny waist, he draws her in and deepens the kiss. 

She feels so good pressed up against him like this, lips full and soft against his own, body warm and welcoming, but for some ridiculous reason, Jared finds his mind drifting back to the bar. Drifting back to Jensen and the look he'd given Jared when Jared had said he was leaving. He gets a sudden flash of Jensen's eyes then, and he sees exactly what Jensen had been trying to hide behind that fake grin and false bravado. 

_Hurt_.

Jensen had been hurt that Jared was bailing on him for some girl he doesn't even know when they were supposed to be out celebrating Jared's success. Success that was almost entirely down to Jensen. 

Fuck, he's an asshole. A selfish, ungrateful asshole. 

Jared breaks the kiss instantly, pushing Gen away and wiping a hand across his mouth. 'Look,' he says, 'I'm really sorry but I can't do this.'

Gen just smirks and moves in again. 'Sure you can. It's eas-'

'No,' he says, taking her by the shoulders and gently pushing her back. 'I've...got a headache.' The second the words are out of his mouth, he wants to take them back. A headache? Really? He couldn't have come up with something slightly more believable than that? 

Gen seems to feel the same way because she crosses her arms and gives him an incredulous look as she says, 'Seriously?'

Jared's runs a hand through his hair and shakes his head. Fuck, this is awkward. 'Yeah, sorry.'

He watches anxiously as she clenches and unclenches her jaw a couple of times, hoping to God that she's not about to make a scene, and lets out a sigh of relief when she flicks her hair and says, 'Whatever, Jared, your loss,' before she stalks off back to the bar. 

He feels like a total dick for bailing on her, but he knows he'll feel like even more of a dick for bailing on _Jensen_ if he doesn't go back to him. Especially when he'd so obviously hurt Jensen's feelings by ditching him. 

So pushing the guilt he feels about Gen aside - he's sure she won't go home alone tonight anyway, looking like she does - he makes his way back inside the bar. And sure enough, Jensen's sitting slumped on the sofa, staring down at the beer in his hand and completely ignoring the band. 

Jared kicks himself again for being such a jerk and quickly crosses the bar and sits back down next to him. Jensen startles and looks over at him, eyes widening when he sees that it's Jared beside him. 'Jay? What are you doing back here?'

'She changed her mind,' Jared lies, picking up the beer on the table. 

Jensen narrows his eyes, looking suspicious. 'She changed her mind?'

'Yeah, I know, crazy, right? She could've had all this,' he waves a hand down his body, 'the whole package. Awesome hair, rocking body, huge di-'

'Okay, okay, I get it,' Jensen says with a laugh, holding up a hand to stop Jared talking. 'Getting scarred for life wasn't on my agenda for this evening, thank you very much.' His expression turns a little more sombre then, and he adds in a quieter voice, 'I'm sorry, though, that really sucks.'

Jared's guilt returns tenfold at hearing Jensen say that after he'd dumped Jensen so unceremoniously earlier, and he has to swallow down the lump in his throat before he can reply, 'Nah, it's cool, man. This way I get to watch you get shit-faced, and that's always good for a laugh.' He knocks his shoulder against Jensen's, and waits for the inevitable eye roll Jensen's going to toss his way. He can't help but grin when it happens, nor bite back the bark of laughter he lets out when Jensen flips him off as well. 'Besides, I'm pretty sure I still owe you like a million beers for getting me through that test so...'

Jensen turns back to his beer at that, but not before Jared sees the blush rise to his cheeks. He's peeling the label off his beer bottle with fidgety hands when he speaks again, 'I told you you don't need to thank me. You could've done it all on your own anyway.'

Jared reaches over and pulls the beer bottle out of Jensen's grasp so he can place it down on the table. Now Jensen's hands are free, Jared takes them in his own and turns Jensen towards him, forcing him to meet his eyes. Because, all joking aside, he really needs Jensen to understand how much he did for him here, and how much it means to Jared. 'No, I really couldn't have,' he says, expression completely serious, 'so thank you.'

Jensen doesn't respond immediately, his eyes boring into Jared's: so green and so deep, Jared get lost in them for a moment, before he manages to find his way back out of them again. Wow, he must be more drunk than he thought. 

Jensen's reply when it comes is a quiet, heartfelt 'No problem, Jay', and the soft smile that curves his still pink cheeks tells Jared he made the right choice coming back.

This is exactly where he's supposed to be tonight. 

****


	4. Chapter Four.

** Chapter Four. **

An hour later, Jared's well on his way to being drunk, his head light and his smile loose, and from the way Jensen's slumped against his shoulder, he guesses Jensen's feeling the same way. 

'Hey, are you guys together?'

It takes Jared a second to realise the question is being aimed at him, and another for him to raise his eyes to the speaker. 'What?' he asks, blinking a couple of times to try and get the guy's face to come into focus. 

'You and him?' the man asks again, waving a hand between Jared and Jensen. 'You together?'

_Together?_

Jared frowns as he struggles to make his brain work - fuck, he really shouldn't have bought them all those shots - then it hits him. This dude thinks he and Jensen are a couple. Him and _Jensen_? He feels a drunken chuckle bubble up his throat; what a ridiculous idea...Jared's not even gay, for fuck's sake. 

In the end, he just about manages to not laugh in the guy's face, but it's a close thing.

'Oh no, we're not...' he starts to say, but he trails off when he notices the guy isn't looking at him anymore. He's looking at Jensen, and the almost _hungry _expression on his face sours all the humour Jared's feeling right then. He's seen that look on people's faces countless times around Jensen in the last few years, and he likes it about as much as he did the first time he saw it: as in, not at all.__

__And...and the dude's staring at Jensen like that - like he's about two seconds away from pouncing on him - while Jensen is three sheets to the wind, which is all kinds of creepy in Jared's book. Suddenly, Jared wants this asshole gone and he wants him gone _yesterday_. So instead of telling the truth, he decides to lie and says, 'Yep, we're together.' _ _

__Then he loops an arm around Jensen's back and pulls him close, making sure to really sell it. ' _So_ together. Boyfriends, yep, we're totally boyfriends.'_ _

__The man's lips instantly curve downwards into a pout. 'Oh...Really?'_ _

__'Yes. Really.' There's a hint of steel in Jared's voice now, his eyes narrow and hard. 'And we're on a date so if you wouldn't mind...' He's being rude now, and he doesn't even care. Anything to get this guy to go the fuck away. Far, far away._ _

__When the douchebag finally takes the hint and leaves, Jared doesn't take his eyes off him until he's all the way over on the other side of the bar, and only then, once it's safe, does he relax back into the couch again. The movement must jostle Jensen, though, because he looks up at Jared with bleary eyes._ _

___God, he is really out of it,_ Jared thinks as he reaches across to push Jensen's glasses gently back up where they've slid down his nose. He should probably think about getting Jensen to bed; they've both got classes tomorrow, and they're gonna be hungover enough as it is without adding no sleep into the mix._ _

__'You ready to go?' he asks Jensen quietly._ _

__Jensen gives him a sleepy smile and says, 'Home?'_ _

__'Yeah, home.'_ _

__'K,' Jensen says, snuggling closer to Jared and making absolutely no move to stand up._ _

__Jared shakes his head fondly, and gets up himself, bringing Jensen along with him._ _

__As Jared leads Jensen towards the exit, he spots Jensen's admirer sitting at the bar; he's staring at Jensen again, this time his expression's more longing than hungry. But it still rubs Jared the wrong way, and he pulls Jensen to a stop for a moment, and waits for the guy to realise Jared's spotted him. When he does, his eyes go wide, and he swallows nervously and hastily looks away._ _

__As. He. Should. Seriously, the balls on that fucker: Jared's already made it very clear that Jensen is off limits, and he's _still_ trying it on. Unbelievable. Jared's got half a mind to go over there and-_ _

__Jensen stumbles against him then, and Jared quickly returns his attention to him as he catches him and pulls him close._ _

__That guy doesn't matter anyway, Jensen doesn't even know he _exists_ , and that thought is so incredibly pleasing to Jared - he's a creeper: he doesn't deserve Jensen's time - that he can't keep the smug smile off his face as he guides Jensen through the bar doors and out into the parking lot._ _

__****_ _

__By some miracle, Jared gets their apartment door unlocked without dropping Jensen on his ass; it takes a few tries, but, eventually, the door swings open. Jared lets out a triumphant little whoop and moves them into the apartment, only just remembering to kick the door closed behind them._ _

__Okay, okay, bed. And sleep. _Glorious_ sleep._ _

__He eyes the corridor leading down to Jensen's room dubiously, and it's just...Jensen's room is just really far away, and Jared's entirely not sure his legs are gonna hold him up much longer, let alone hold up him _and_ Jensen. _ _

__And the couch is right there._ _

__Except...whenever Jensen sleeps on the couch, it always fucks up his back. Jared can't put Jensen on the couch knowing that, so the couch is obviously out._ _

__The only other option, though, is Jared's room, and while he's perfectly happy to share a bed with Jensen, he's not sure how Jensen would feel about it. They've never done it before, and Jensen's not exactly in a position to answer any of Jared's questions right now. And Jared really doesn't want to risk doing anything that might make Jensen feel uncomfortable in the morning._ _

__Jared rubs his forehead with the hand not currently settled on Jensen's waist and tries to come up with another option. He is _way_ too drunk for this. _ _

__Okay, fuck it, he'll just put Jensen in his bed and he'll take the couch. It'll be hell on his back too, but he can deal with that. Better his back than Jensen's back anyway._ _

__Mind made up, he walks Jensen into his room and lays him down gently on the bed. It takes a little manoeuvring, but he finally manages to get Jensen under the covers and tucked in. Jensen was half way asleep when Jared dragged him through the front door, and by the time Jared steps away from the bed, he's completely out._ _

__And looking kind of adorable snuggled under Jared's comforter. For just a second, Jared's really tempted to slide in next to him - get all cosy and warm too - but he knows that wouldn't be right, so he forces himself to go back to the living room, turning off the bedroom light on his way._ _

__The couch is every bit as uncomfortable as he remembers, but he's drunk and exhausted, so it doesn't take long for him to follow Jensen into blissful slumber._ _

__****_ _

__When he wakes up the next morning, there's a blanket draped over him that he knows he didn't have the presence of mind to grab for himself last night. Squinting, he also sees there's a thermos of what smells like coffee on the table in front of him, along with a couple of danishes piled high on a plate._ _

__Leaned up against the thermos is a post-it note with 'Thanks, Jay' written on it in Jensen's neat, slanted handwriting. The words warm Jared as he lies there staring at them, long before the coffee meets his lips._ _

__And the crick he has in his neck for the rest of the day? Totally worth it._ _

__****_ _


	5. Chapter Five.

**Chapter Five.**

Jared doesn't like Chris. There, he said it. He doesn't know what it is about the guy - his stupidly long hair that's even longer than Jared's, for fuck's sake; his over-the-top Texan drawl that Jared, a Texan himself, suspects is actually fake, put on just to impress Jensen; the way he's somehow able to coax Jensen into playing his guitar when Jared _always_ fails - but he just doesn't like him. And he has no idea what Jensen sees in him. 

It's all he can do not to glare at them as they sit in the chair next to the sofa. Yep, both of them, Jensen on Chris' lap, which frankly looks ridiculous, what with Chris being five feet tall and all. Jensen can't be comfortable like that; he just can't be. 

But he's not getting up. He's just laughing at everything Chris says, like Chris is the funniest guy in the world, and snuggling in closer, and Jared just...Does. Not. Get. It.

When he's finally had enough, he gets up and says, 'I'm going to bed', even though it's barely nine and the movie's not even half way over.

Jensen looks over at him then, for the first time all fucking night, and asks, 'You okay?'

'Sure,' he replies, not bothering to keep the insincerity out of his voice. Jensen's eyes follow him out of the room, and Jared's not sure whether he feels guilty for being so short with Jensen, or smug that he's _finally_ got Jensen's full attention. 

As he closes his bedroom door, he hears Chris say, 'Jen? Hey, Jen?? Jensen??' like he's having trouble getting Jensen's focus back on him. As if Jensen's still staring after Jared, and Jared feels his lips curve into a smile. Well, that settles it, he's definitely feeling more smug than guilty. 

Oh. So. Smug.

He just really doesn't like the guy, okay?

****

Jared's startled awake by an almighty crash from the living room, and he's up and on his feet in an instant, baseball bat in hand as he rushes towards the noise. But just before he throws open his bedroom door, he hears muffled laughter on the other side and frowns in confusion. Why on earth would a burglar find that funny? Making enough noise to wake up half the block isn't exactly good for business. 

The laughter quickly fades away, replaced by deep moans and gasping breaths, and it finally dawns on Jared what he's _actually_ hearing.

Not a burglar after all then.

Scowling, Jared makes his way back to bed and grabs one of his pillows to put over his face, hoping to drown out the sounds that have now moved to Jensen's bedroom. It doesn't work, of course, because the walls in this place are paper thin and Jensen's fucking _loud_. 

Jared's not quite sure how he didn't know that till now - maybe because this is the first time that Jensen's ever had a boyfriend actually stay over here. And right now, Jared's kind of wishing Jensen had kept that trend up and just gone over to Chris' place tonight, because those little hitched breaths and choked off moans Jensen keeps making are doing funny things to his libido.

Which is only natural - Jensen's putting on a goddamn porno less than ten feet away from him - but it's still a little weird to feel himself getting hard from it. 'Cause it's Jensen. 'Cause it's Jensen, who is his best friend, and, more importantly, a _guy_ , and Jared has zero interest in taking _that_ particular car out for a spin. Nope, no interest at all. The thought has never even crossed his mind.

'Oh, fuck, fuck, _Chris_...oh my god...'

Really. Fucking. Loud.

Jared tosses the pillow onto the floor - since it's really not doing anything and he's already feeling a little breathless without smothering himself as well - and glares at the wall. He's sorely tempted to reach out and bang on it, like the grumpy old man he feels like right now. Because it's two in the fucking morning and he's got class in six hours and they're just being...really goddamn loud, okay?? And Jensen barely even _knows_ this Chris guy, they've been on, like, three dates, what the heck is he doing having sex with him anyway?

But...then Jared remembers how lonely Jensen's been lately and he sinks down onto his mattress in defeat. If this guy makes Jensen happy, then Jared's not going to get in the way of that just because their sexcapdes are a little annoying. 

'God, yes...YES...'

Okay, a _lot_ annoying.

Besides, they've already been going at it for almost twenty minutes now, so surely they'll be done soon, and then Jared can go back to sleep and forget this ever happened. 

****

When Jared's alarm goes off at seven the next morning, Jared actually reaches out and tosses it across the room. 

Four times. Four times he was woken up last night by Jensen and his asshole boyfriend. Bad enough that they'd woken him the once, but four fucking times?? That is just un-fucking-acceptable. 

Kicking his covers off with a huff, he hauls his tired body out of bed. He'll be lucky if he doesn't fall asleep during Beaver's class this morning, and there's no way he's going to be able to go and study in the library like he'd planned. 

'Morning, Jay, there's toast and coffee on the tabl...are you alright?' Jensen's bright smile melts away as he shuffles closer to Jared. 'You look like hell, man.'

Jared snorts and pours himself a cup of coffee. Black, for once, because he's going to fucking need it today. 'Well, I wonder why that is, huh?' he growls. 'Think it might have a little something to do with the show you and your goddamn boyfriend were putting on last night?'

Jensen's eyes immediately widen and his cheeks break out in an embarrassed blush. 'Oh...I didn't...I was really drunk and-'

'Yeah, well, I've been drunk before and you've never heard me going at it like a porn star, have you?' Jared says meanly, cutting him off.

The flush on Jensen's face darkens even further at that, spreading down his neck and all the way up to the roots of his hair. He looks absolutely mortified - and hurt, and a little bit like he's about to cry - and Jared's heart stutters guiltily in his chest, the anger in his veins quickly melting away in the face of Jensen's distress. 

Fuck, he's being a dick. 'Jensen, I-'

'God, Jay, I'm so sorry. That was just...I can't believe I _did_ that. I wasn't thinking; I'm so sorry.' Jared watches helplessly as Jensen tosses his things into his bag with shaking, clumsy hands. 'I'll make sure I go to Chris' next time. I'm just...I'm really sorry, it won't...won't happen again.' And then he's rushing out the front door, leaving Jared standing in the middle of their kitchen with a hot mug of coffee in his hand, that he no longer even wants, and guilt weighing heavily in his stomach.

Well...shit.

****

'Hey, man, what the hell's your problem?'

It's not until he's been grabbed by the elbow and spun around that Jared realises the yelled words were aimed at him. 

He's even more surprised when he looks down - _way_ down 'cause the guy's basically a hobbit - and sees Chris standing in front of him. 'Excuse me??'

'I said,' Chris snarls, jabbing his finger into Jared's chest, 'what the hell is your problem?'

That really doesn't clear anything up for Jared, and he's starting to get annoyed now. They barely even know each other, have spoken maybe ten words in all the weeks he and Jensen have been dating, so he has absolutely no idea what he could possibly have done to piss the guy off. Not to mention, the poking thing is really fucking irritating, so he slaps Chris' hand away, narrowly resisting the urge to rub at the sore spot on his chest, and says coolly, 'Right now? Right now, _you're_ my problem, dude.'

The expression on the Chris' face darkens even further at that. 'Funny, Jared, real funny. You know what's _not_ funny? Jensen coming to me completely distraught because he thinks he's fucked up your friendship and that you're gonna kick him out.'

Jared's eyes widen as comprehension hits him. Jensen told Chris about their fight? He went to Chris instead of coming to Jared about it?? 

And then Chris' words sink in and none of that matters anymore. God, Jensen thinks Jared's gonna kick him out?? Awww, fuck, he'd messed up so much worse than he thought this morning. He should've _known_ that Jensen would twist this round to make it all his fault. Jared should've gone after him this morning: made it right then, instead of waiting till after classes. Running a hand through his hair, he says, 'No, that's not...I never said any of that. I was a total ass to him this morning, and I was gonna make him dinner tonight to apologise.'

'An ass about what?' Chris says, taking a step back. It's a slight improvement - he doesn't quite look like he's about to deck Jared anymore - but not all that much of one, since he's still glaring daggers at him.

'He didn't tell you?' Jared asks, surprised. Chris just shakes his head and looks up at him expectantly, and Jared feels more than a little embarrassment about admitting, 'It was...uh...about you two?'

Chris looks shocked by Jared's answer, and Jared can't really blame him. It _was_ a stupid thing to get mad about; his only excuse is that he was tired and it was early and he hadn't had any coffee yet. 'Wow, really? You're his best friend so I kind of thought you'd be okay with him being gay, but obv-'

'What?' Jared chokes out; he might be an ass, but he's not _that_ much of an ass. 'No, no! I've got no problem with Jensen being gay. Hell, I've got no problem with anyone being gay; it was...the noise.' Chris tilts his head to the side, his expression slipping from shocked to confused. 'The noise you guys were making,' Jared clarifies. 'Last night. With all the laughing and banging and...' _moaning and begging and gasping_ 'stuff.'

' _That's_ what you chewed Jensen out about this morning?' Jared nods, unable to admit it out loud a second time, knowing how stupid it sounds. 'Then why the fuck didn't you just put these in?' And before Jared can ask what 'these' are, Chris is reaching forward and snatching his headphones from around his neck and shoving them into his hands.

'I...' Jared starts, but he trails off because he doesn't actually have an answer. Why hadn't he just put his headphones in and let his iPod drown out the sounds from Jensen's room? It had been right there on his bedside table; he could easily have leaned over and grabbed it. So why hadn't he? 'I...left them in my gym locker last night,' he lies, because he has to say something. Partly to hide how flustered he feels that he doesn't have an answer to this, and partly because Chris is starting to look a little suspicious. Like he thinks Jared's up to something...or...or like he's got something to hide. 

Which he absolutely does not.

'Look,' he says, in an attempt to slice through the weird tension growing between them, 'I'll talk to him tonight. Tell him that he hasn't ruined anything and that I'd never kick him out, okay?'

Chris eyes him for a more few seconds then, and Jared can feel sweat beading at his hairline, even though he's not really sure what he's scared of anymore - Chris starting a fight with him in the middle of the quad or...Chris reading something into this that totally isn't there. 

'Fine,' Chris says eventually, voice still clipped and hard. 'Just don't let it happen again, alright? He's had enough people treat him like shit in his life; he doesn't need that crap from you too.'

A flash of anger courses through Jared at that and Jared feels his hackles rise. This guy - who's only known Jensen for what? A couple of weeks? A month? - telling _him_ what Jensen needs? What's _best_ for Jensen? When Jared knows Jensen better than anyone else could ever know him. 

As if Jared needed yet another reason to dislike him.

But he bites his tongue. He's already fucked up enough today without adding punching Jensen's new boyfriend to the list. As much as he'd really, _really_ like to right now. Instead, he just gives the guy a curt nod and waits for him to leave.

Once Chris' out of sight, Jared immediately pulls out his phone and rattles off a quick text to Jensen. 

_Sorry about this morning, Jen, I was out of line. Let me make it up to you? Dinner tonight at ours?_

He hadn't really wanted to apologise over the phone, which is why he hasn't done it sooner, but he wants Jensen to hear this from him. Not from Chris. He wants to be the one to reassure Jensen that everything's okay between them. He doesn't want some guy he barely knows - doesn't want _anyone_ \- interfering in his and Jensen's friendship.

His stomach does a relieved little flip when his phone beeps a few seconds later, and he reads Jensen's reply. 

_Me too. Looking forward to it. :-)_

And Jared really shouldn't be getting this giddy over an emoticon, but he can't help it. A silly grin spreads across his face as he pockets his phone and makes his way to his next class. 

Jared's still wearing it by the time he reaches his Psych class, and Professor Morgan gives him a weird look on his way past him. But he doesn't care, because he's sure Professor Morgan would understand if he knew about Jared's morning: if he knew Jared had just made things right with the most important person in his life. 

He'd understand if he could picture Jensen's smile the way Jared is picturing it in his head right now: that smile that lights up his whole face; that smile that's so wide it makes his eyes crinkle adorably at the corners; that smile that makes Jared's heart skip a beat when he sees it. It's one of the best smiles in the entire world, and more than enough reason for the ridiculous expression on Jared's face. 

So he ignores all the strange looks he's getting from his classmates too. If anything, he feels sorry for _them_ , for never getting to see that smile, for never having had it turned their way. 

Jared's the lucky one here and, boy, does he know it.

****


	6. Chapter Six.

'God-fucking-dammit,' Jared hisses as the sauce in the pan starts to split. He should've just ordered a fucking pizza. But he'd wanted to do something special for Jensen, after his epic fuck up, something that would show him just how awful he felt about it, and now he's fucking this up too. 

'Need some help?' 

Jared sags with relief when he turns to see Jensen dropping his backpack by the door and walking into the kitchen. 'God, yes, I don't know what I did wrong. I followed the recipe to the letter.' And he _had_. Thanks for nothing, Jamie Oliver.

Jensen nods and crosses the kitchen to take the spoon from Jared. Jared steps back to give him room to work, and watches as Jensen stirs the sauce for a few moments, before he grabs the white wine Jared used to make it and splashes some into the pan. Instantly, the sauce stops trying to split and thickens back up. Awed, Jared comes up behind Jensen and peers down into the mixture. 'How did you _do_ that?' Jensen is clearly magic. Jared has often suspected it, but now it's been proven. 

Jensen chuckles, and Jared feels it against his chest and can't help smiling himself. The last of the tension he was feeling about their fight drains away, and he presses closer so he can drop his chin onto Jensen's shoulder and wrap his arms around his waist in a loose hug. 'I'm sorry about this morning,' he says, even though he's already apologised. Text isn't the same as saying it, or hearing it, in person, and Jensen deserves to hear him say the words. 'I don't know what I was thinking, and I promise it'll never happen again.'

Jensen places the hand he's not using to stir the sauce over the ones Jared has on his stomach. 'Really, it's okay. It was inconsiderate of me to be so loud.'

'No, man, it's your apartment too. I was a dick, simple as that. Look, can we just pretend it never happened?' _Please, please, please..._

'Yeah, we can,' Jensen replies, giving Jared's hand a gentle squeeze. And just like that, it's all forgiven and forgotten, and Jared wonders once again what he did to deserve such an awesome best friend. 'Hey, do you wanna set the table while I finish up here?'

No, Jared really doesn't. He wants to stay here for a little while; it's been such a terrible day, and this just feels so...nice. But he realises that's probably a little weird, and a lot sappy, so he forces himself to move away and grab some plates from the cupboard. 'You know I'm meant to be cooking for you, right?'

'Well, consider it a favour to us both, since you can't cook for shit,' Jensen says, tossing a teasing smile at Jared over his shoulder to take the sting out of his words. Jared just shrugs, not insulted in the slightest, because it's completely true: his cooking skills barely extend beyond toast. Jensen's smile softens then as he adds, 'I really appreciate the effort though, thanks.'

'No problem,' Jared says, placing some cutlery next to their plates and grabbing a chilled bottle of wine from the fridge. He fills their glasses then goes back over to the stove. Jensen's clearly done something to the sauce, Jared's not even sure what, because it suddenly smells amazing, and he's positive that has nothing to do with anything he did. Reaching over Jensen's shoulder to take the spoon from Jensen's hand so he can have a taste, he groans, 'God, marry me...' under his breath.

Jensen jolts at his words - probably didn't hear Jared come up behind him - and the spoon goes flying, splattering them both with sauce. Jared lets out a laugh and shakes his head. 'Sorry, Jen, didn't mean to startle you.'

Jensen's not laughing though; he's just staring up at Jared with wide eyes. Jared's own laughter trails off, worry taking over. Did the spoon hit Jensen? Did the sauce burn him? 'Jen? You okay?' Using his thumb, he wipes a smear of sauce off Jensen's cheek, and Jensen blinks. Like he's suddenly waking up. 

His laugh is a little shaky - Jared must've scared him worse than he thought, fuck - but it quells most of the worry churning in Jared's gut. 'Yeah, make some noise, why don't you, Sasquatch??' Knocking his shoulder against Jared's chest, he goes back to finishing up the sauce. 'Can you drain out the pasta for me?'

'Yeah, sure,' Jared says, but before he does, he grabs a towel from the sideboard and wipes the rest of the sauce from Jensen's face and neck with careful swipes. It's his fault Jensen's covered in it, after all. 'There.'

'T-thanks,' Jensen says, not taking his eyes off the sauce. There's a blush on his cheeks, probably embarrassed for jumping so hard, and Jared wants to apologise again for it, but he also doesn't want to draw attention to it any more than he already has. So instead, he just lays a hand on Jensen's back, and gives him a small, apologetic little stroke, before moving away to lift the pan of pasta off the stove and take it over to the sink to drain it. 

*** 

Once they've eaten, they decide to move over to the sofa and fire up Jared's PlayStation. Just for a little while, since Jared's kind of tired after his sleepless night. He should probably go to bed early this evening. 

They're still playing three hours later, though, when Jensen's cell phone rings and he switches the controller to one hand to grab it. 'Yeah?' He shoots Jared an evil grin as he somehow still manages to shove Jared's car off the road. 'No, I can't tonight, sorry.' 

Now, Jared's not a cheat, but he'd be an idiot not to take advantage of Jensen's break in concentration to get his own back. He's about to ram the back of Jensen's car when Jensen speaks again, and his own attention wavers, 'I told you, Chris, I'm spending the evening with Jared,' because now they're talking about him, and that's all kinds of awkward - even if his heart does do a smug little leap at Jensen choosing him over Chris - and there's tension in Jensen's voice which Jared doesn't like hearing one bit. 

'Don't...that's not fair...I...' Jensen flinches as he's cut off by the voice on the other end of the phone. Jared might not be able to make out what Chris is saying, but the dude sounds really pissed. 

Game forgotten, Jared turns to Jensen and mouths 'You okay?' 

Jensen nods, despite looking anything but, and Jared can't help reaching down to place a comforting hand on Jensen's thigh. 

'No, you know that's not true. I just-' more furious words spill down the line, and Jared gives Jensen's thigh a small squeeze - he's here if Jensen needs him; he's always here. 'It's not like that...please, don't say-'

Jared hears Jensen's phone go dead mid-sentence, and silently fumes at Chris for hanging up while Jensen was still fucking _talking_ as Jensen tosses the phone onto the sofa. 'God, I'm on fire today, fucking off my best friend _and_ my boyfriend all in one day.'

The joke - which isn't funny at all - understandably falls flat, and Jared shakes his head as he loops an arm around Jensen's shoulder to pull him closer. 'Nah, I think both your best friend and your boyfriend need a time out. You haven't done anything wrong, okay? I was a dick this morning, and from the sound of that phone call, your boyfriend was being a dick just now.' 

Jensen lets out a defeated sigh and rests his head against Jared's shoulder. 'And who's the common denominator in both those scenarios, huh? I clearly bring out the dick in people...and if you make a joke about that right now, I'm gonna elbow you in the nuts.'

Jared's never felt less inclined to make a joke than he does right now. He _hates_ himself even more for the way he acted earlier, for contributing to the sadness in Jensen's voice, for giving Jensen yet another reason to beat himself up. So he just knocks his knee against Jensen's and says, 'Noted. Look, I'm sure it'll be fine, alright? You guys will talk and you'll work it all out.'

'Hmmm...maybe. I just...I feel like he's gonna make me choose and that's just...' Jensen trails off, his fingers picking nervously at the hole in his jeans.

Jared frowns. 'Choose what?'

Jensen stiffens slightly next to him, his shoulders going tense under Jared's arm, before he lets out a laugh. An awkward, self-depreciating laugh that sends goosebumps crawling along Jared's skin. Jared hates that laugh so much; he's heard it way too many times in the few years he's known Jensen. 

'Nothing,' he says, pulling away from Jared and grabbing the controller he'd dropped on the floor during his conversation with Chris. 'Nothing, it's stupid. _I'm_ being stupid.' And before Jared can dispute that casually thrown out statement, said like it's an obvious fact when it couldn't be further from the truth, Jensen is pressing the play button and saying, 'Let me just finish kicking your ass so I can go to bed, okay?'

Sensing the desperation behind that unspoken plea to let the subject drop, Jared reluctantly plays along - even though he wants to delve deeper into this, wants to squash all Jensen's insecurities that have raised their ugly heads again - as he picks up his own controller and replies, 'Well, prepare for an all-nighter then 'cause you are going downnnnn.'

Despite his words, though, his mind really isn't in the game anymore. It keeps drifting back to Jensen's conversation with Chris. 

What choice is Chris going to force Jensen to make? And why does Jared get the strangest feeling that it somehow involves...him?

****


	7. Chapter Seven.

**Chapter Seven.**

Chad may be a dick ninety percent of the time, but he does throw a mean party. Of course, Jared's mostly just here to try and shake Jensen out of the funk he's in, but that doesn't mean he can't have a good time while he's doing that. And he is...right up until he spots Chris fucking Kane glaring at him from across the room. 

Chris and Jensen broke up last week, a few days after that disastrous phone call Jared witnessed; Jensen never told Jared why, and Jared didn't ask, but judging by the look on Chris' face right now, it wasn't his idea. Not that Jared really cares, since he never liked Chris in the first place, and it wasn't like he was _ever_ gonna be good enough for Jensen anyway, but he does hate how much Jensen's been beating himself up over it. Especially when he's pretty damn sure it wasn't even Jensen's fault. 

He barely keeps from rolling his eyes when Chris pushes away from the wall he's leaning against and heads towards him. The guy's three sheets to the wind, that much is obvious from his unsteady steps, and the only saving grace to this whole messed up situation is that Jensen's not here yet so he doesn't have to deal with it. 

'You don't...you have this amazing thing,' Chris says when he finally comes to a stop in front of Jared. 'It's right in front of you, and you don't even...even fucking _see_ it.' 

The guy's eyes are bleary and unfocused as he stares up at Jared, and that coupled with his slurred speech and drunken gait has Jared instantly reaching into his pocket for his cell. 'Look, I'm just gonna call you a cab, okay?'

'Why you, huh?' Jared stumbles back a little when Chris grabs the front of his shirt. 'When you don't even...and I do...I do so badly...but he still wants y-'

'Chris?'

Jared closes his eyes in frustration when he hears Jensen's voice next to them. Dammit, he'd been hoping he could smuggle Chris into a cab before Jensen got here. 'Jensen, I...' he trails off, not really knowing what to say. 

Jensen waves him off. 'It's fine, I'll take care of him.'

And that's going to happen just about never. Chris might be short, but he's solidly built, and if he decides to take his frustrations out on Jensen...yeah, that's not gonna happen. So instead of leaving them to it, he hooks one of Chris' arms over his shoulder and says, 'We taking him out front to get some fresh air?'

Jensen looks surprised for a second, like he genuinely thought Jared was going to leave him to deal with his drunk ex alone, before he nods and puts Chris' other arm over his own shoulder. 'I'll call him a cab once we're outside.'

Thankfully, it's still early so there aren't that many people between them and the door, but it still takes a little work to get Chris through it and onto the lawn outside. Jared guesses the guy's been partying way longer than the party's been going. 

As soon as they hit the grass, Jensen moves off to the side to call the cab, leaving them alone once more. Chris chooses that instant to start mumbling again, but with the music blaring behind him and Chris' slurred words, Jared only makes out the tail end of what he's saying, '...what you've got.'

'What was that, man?' he asks, not really giving a shit, but hoping it'll keep the guy's focus on him instead of Jensen.

Chris' voice is louder now, angrier, when he spits, 'I said...you don't even know what y-'

'Come on, Chris,' and there's Jensen again, gently pulling Chris away from Jared for the second time that evening, 'let's get you home.'

Jared watches them like a hawk as Jensen all but carries Chris down to the curb. There's a slightly sticky moment when Chris launches himself at Jensen, and Jared is already halfway across the lawn, heading towards them, before he realises the guy's just hugging Jensen. Clinging to him really. Jared's eyes narrow anyway - Jensen already feels bad enough without Chris breaking down on him like this - but he doesn't interfere. As much as he would really like to. Luckily, the cab doesn't take long to arrive, and Chris is soon forced to let go of Jensen as Jensen manoeuvres him into the back seat. 

Jared only lets himself relax when the cab's finally driven away and taken Chris with it. 'I have no idea what he was even taking about,' he says, frowning as he watches the car disappear into the distance.

'It was nothing, Jay; he was drunk, he didn't know what he was saying,' Jensen replies, but there's something in his voice. Something sad that draws Jared's gaze to him. 

'Jen, are y-'

'Fuck, I need a drink.' And with that, Jensen turns away and walks back up to the house, leaving Jared with no other option but to follow him. 

****

The party's still raging when Jared and Jensen stumble outside. Well, Jensen stumbles anyway, and Jared catches him around the waist and hauls him back upright. He tries not to laugh, but with all the alcohol in his system, he really can't help it. He sniggers against Jensen's neck, his arm tightening around Jensen's waist as his friend squirms against him. 'Let go, you yeti, and don't laugh at me.'

Of course, that just makes Jared hold on even tighter. And laugh even harder. Jensen's answering giggle is music to his ears after how down Jensen's been these last few days, and Jared's glad he's the one to bring it out of him. They play wrestle for a few minutes before Jared finally lets Jensen go, deciding the edge of the Chad's pool probably isn't the safest place to be rough housing. Especially when Jared's no way near sober enough to make sure Jensen doesn't crack his head open on the tiles.

They end up sprawled in two pool chairs, staring up at the clear night sky. It's really beautiful out here, Jared's always loved the stars, and he finds himself kind of wishing he and Jensen had a house instead of an apartment. Somewhere with a garden, so they could spend their nights doing just this. Yeah, that would be amazing. 

It takes a few moments for him to realise that Jensen's shivering on the lounger next to him. A Texas boy through and through, Jensen's never been able to handle the cold; Jared's come home more than once to Jensen bundled up on the sofa in not only his own comforter, but Jared's as well. 

Reaching over, he runs his fingers down Jensen's goose pimpled arm and says, 'You wanna head back inside?'

Jensen shakes his head, but he's still shivering, and if Jared had a jacket, he'd be draping it over him right about now. As it is, he only has himself, and since he's been told by almost every girlfriend he's ever had that he's a human heater, he scoots over and says, 'Come on over here, Jen, we'll get you warmed up in no time.'

Jensen turns sharply towards him, eying the small sliver of space on Jared's lounger, then shakes his head again. 'I'm f-f-fine.'

Jared rolls his eyes and gets to his feet. 'Yeah, I might believe that if you could get two words out without your teeth chattering.' Leaning down, he grips Jensen under the armpits and hauls him up. 

'We're not both gonna fit on there, Jared,' Jensen protests, pulling against Jared's hold. 

Jared just makes a disbelieving sound and sits back down on the lounger, dragging Jensen down with him. And, yeah, okay, it _is_ a bit of a tight squeeze. Jensen's practically lying on top of him, rather than next to him like he'd planned, but they're both on it which is the important thing. 

Almost as soon as they're settled, Jensen starts struggling to get up again. 'No, no, Jared, I'm gonna crush you like this.'

Jared doesn't even bother to argue with him: just loops an arm round his back and holds him in place. 'Stay,' he says softly, lips brushing Jensen's temple.

It's only when Jensen finally stills that Jared realises just how cold he really is. He's like a block of ice against Jared's body, and Jared instinctively drags him closer. 'Christ, Jen, why didn't you say anything? You're practically a Jens-icle right now.' Okay, he'll blame that one on the booze. 

He feels, rather than sees, Jensen shrug against him. 'It's stupid, it's not even that cold out.'

Jared's heart aches a little at that, and he draws back slightly so he can tell Jensen to his face that it's _not_ stupid, only for the words to get caught in his throat because Jensen is right there. Looking up at Jared, his face about an inch from Jared's, and Jared is struck dumb by just how beautiful he is. This isn't new information - he's known how beautiful Jensen is since the first time he laid eyes on him - but right now, in this moment under the stars, it's hitting him like it is. 

Like he's never seen Jensen before. 

And maybe he hasn't. Not like this. Not as someone he wants to lean down and kiss. Not as someone he wants to take home and make love to.

Time slows to a stop as Jared gives in to the urge pulsing through his veins and presses his mouth to Jensen's. 

Jensen's lips are as soft as they've always looked, as soft as this hesitant first kiss, and Jared feels Jensen gasp but he doesn't pull away, so Jared brings up a hand to cup Jensen's cheek and deepens the kiss. 

It's heaven. Jared's heard of kisses feeling like fireworks and lighting strikes and popping champagne, but this is nothing like that. This is better. It's like...coming home. Like finally finding something he didn't even know he'd spent his whole life looking for. And he's never felt anything like it before. 

Not until now. Not until Jensen. 

Carefully rolling them over, he guides Jensen beneath him, his hand leaving Jensen's cheek so it can find its way up Jensen's shirt and onto the soft skin of Jensen's belly. 

Then, suddenly, Jensen's jerking away like he's been electrocuted and all but leaping off the lounger.

'Jensen, what...' Jared's words die on his tongue when he gets a look at Jensen's wide, terrified eyes. 'Hey, hey, it's o-'

'I'm sorry,' Jensen blurts, cutting Jared off. 'God, I'm so, so sorry.'

And then he's turning on his heel and running back into the house.

****


	8. Chapter Eight.

**Chapter Eight.**

**Jared.**

Cursing, Jared springs up from the lounger and takes off after him. The music inside hits him like a wall, and he winces slightly before heading into the crowd. He needs to find Jensen, and he needs to find him now. But there are just so many people, who won't get out of his fucking way, and even though he's taller than all of them, he can't see Jensen anywhere.

Dammit. God-fucking-dammit. How could he have made such a mess of everything? How could it have taken him _this_ long to realise what his feelings towards Jensen meant? He's been in love with his best friend for almost three years and he didn't even know. God, he's an idiot. A stupid, blind idiot, and if he's lost Jensen now, he'll never forgive himself. 

He's jolted out of his morose thoughts by a hand on his arm, and he whirls round, hope lightening his chest for a moment until he sees that it's Chad, not Jensen, standing in front of him. 'Have you seen Jensen?' he blurts out, grabbing hold of Chad's arms tightly. _Desperately._

Chad's eyes are wide as they stare up at Jared, and Jared forces himself to take a deep breath and let his friend go. 'Sorry, sorry, just...have you seen him?'

To his credit, Chad doesn't say anything about Jared's weird behaviour and gets straight to the point. 'That's what I was coming to find you about. I just saw Jensen tear out of here and jump in a cab like every cop in town was on his tail. He looked bad, Jared, really bad, and I thought you'd wanna know?'

'Fuck, _FUCK_ ,' Jared growls, running a frustrated hand through his hair. 'Thanks, Chad, I'll see you around.' He doesn't wait for Chad to answer: just starts pushing his way through the crowd of party go-ers as he heads towards the door. 

Flagging down his own cab takes longer than he has time for right now, precious seconds slipping away as he waits, so when he finally gets one to pull over for him, he all but dives into the back seat, rattling off the address before he's even fully inside. He's pretty sure he knows where Jensen's heading, and what he plans to do, and Jared's simply not going to let that happen. Not ever.

He just prays he knows Jensen as well as he thinks he does. 

****

**Jensen.**

Jensen tosses the last of his clothes into his bag, for once not worrying about folding them, before he zips the bag up. This is everything he needs right now. He can get Jared to send him his other stuff later...that is, if Jared doesn't simply throw it all out after what Jensen did tonight. 

Jensen feels another wave of nausea wash over him just thinking about it. He can't believe he did that. Two and a half years he's been able to push his feelings for Jared aside, but for some reason, tonight, they all came flooding to the surface. So fast and so strong, he just couldn't hold them back. And now he's destroyed everything. Jared's never going to want to see him again.

Jensen's chest gives a painful throb at that. It was bad enough knowing he'd never be able to have Jared the way he wants, but not having him in his life at all? Jensen just doesn't know how to deal with that. He doesn't realise he's crying until a tear lands on the back of his hand. Wiping angrily at his face - what good are tears now? How are they gonna solve anything?? - he swings his bag onto his shoulder and makes his way out into the living room.

He doesn't have time to wallow like this. He's got to get out of here before Jared-

Jensen stops dead at the sight of Jared in the doorway, a small gasp escaping his lips before he can bite it back. 

_Oh god._

He can't read the expression on Jared's face. His best friend's eyes are darker, more intense, than Jensen has ever seen them. His mouth drawn into a thin line. 

Jensen's bruised heart starts to race, but there's nowhere to run. That doesn't stop him trying though. Dropping his bag to the floor with a heavy thud, he turns to run back to his room, but is brought up short by strong arms snaking around his waist.

'Shhh, it's okay, Jensen, just calm down.'

Jensen's heart is still beating a mile a minute, his body shaking in Jared's arms, even though Jared doesn't sound angry. 'I'm sorry,' he breathes. 'I'm so sorry.' And he is. He really, really is. Jared means more to him than anyone else on the planet; Jensen never meant to hurt him.

'What are you sorry for? _I_ kissed you,' Jared replies after a few tense moments, and Jensen blinks in surprise. 

That wasn't...but Jensen's the one who...Jared's not...

Jensen shakes his head. 'No, it must've been me. It had to have been because you don't-'

'Love you?' 

Jensen lets out a small pained sound at hearing it confirmed. He always knew, he _did_ , but having Jared actually say it to him is so much worse. He struggles in Jared's hold: he has to get out of here, he doesn't want to hear anymore, he can't take it. 

But Jared doesn't stop. 'Yeah, about that. Well, here's the thing...you're the first thing I think about every morning, and the last thing I think about before I fall asleep. You're the person I wanna tell about my day; the person I wanna come home to. I hate all your boyfriends, even before I meet them, and every time they break your heart, I wanna break their necks.'

Jensen's chest is getting tight; he's suddenly forgotten how to breathe. 

'So, actually, I think I kind of _am_ in love with you. Have maybe been for a long time. I just didn't realise it until now. And since you kissed me back, I'm guessing you're kind of in love with me too?'

There's a silence then, Jared waiting for Jensen's answer, but when Jensen's answer doesn't come, Jared slowly spins him round in his arms and says, 'Jen?' 

The breath Jensen's been holding whooshes out of him as his eyes lock with Jared's, and he sways on his feet. Until Jared catches him by his elbows, steadying him, keeping him from falling. Keeping him safe, just like always. 'You're in love with me?'

Jared's smile is blinding as he replies, 'Hopelessly.'

'But you're not...you're not _gay_ ,' Jensen says, utterly incredulous. Because this is...he doesn't even know what's happening right now??

'Well, I'm in love with you and you're a guy, so I think that makes me at least a little gay.' 

Jared's still smiling as he says it, like he hasn't just made this huge, life-altering declaration. And Jensen doesn't _get_ it. He'd been so fucking terrified when he realised he was gay; he knew exactly how his family and friends back home were going to react and he'd been absolutely right. His father still won't talk to him, neither will his brother, and his mom only speaks to him on his birthday and Christmas. One phone call twice a year, that's it. He almost lost his entire family because of this; how on earth can Jared be so calm?? 'How are you not freaking out about this??' 

Jared just shrugs. ''Cause it's not a big deal to me. 'Cause it means I get to be with you, and I'm way too happy about that to worry about anything else. Whatever happens, Jen, it'll be worth it if I have you.'

Jensen wants to pinch himself...would if he could get his numb fingers to work. This has to be a dream. It has to be. 

'Look, Jen, I don't wanna put any pressure on you,' Jared says, letting go of Jensen and stepping back. Jensen should probably be a touch embarrassed by how bereft he feels at the loss of Jared's touch, but his heart is way too busy with a hundred other emotions, and his brain is too confused trying to sort them out, to worry about much else. 'If you don't want this, I'll back off. I'll move out if I have to. If you want me to.'

Wait. What? Jared thinks Jensen doesn't want this?? That Jensen hasn't wanted this every day for the past two and a half years?? 'No!' he gasps out.

Jared's jaw tightens, and he gives Jensen a short nod. And to Jensen's horror, Jared pulls out his keys and hands Jensen the one to their apartment.

 _Nonononononono..._

Seeing his chance with Jared slipping through his fingers, Jensen does the only thing he can think of to stop this train wreck. He surges forward and crashes his lips into Jared's, for once ignoring the tiny voice in his head that's telling him this is a bad idea, that Jared doesn't know what he really wants, that Jensen's not good enough for him anyway, and just listening to his heart telling him to give in. To show Jared everything. 

He can't help the soft sigh of contentment he lets out when Jared's hands come up to cup his face and he starts to kiss Jensen back. Nor the way his breath hitches when Jared backs him up against the living room wall, and takes his hands off Jensen's face so he can grab his thighs instead and lift him up. 

Not even breaking the kiss. Like Jensen weighs nothing. 

Jensen's dick wasn't exactly uninterested before, but when it hits him just how strong Jared is, how easily he can manhandle Jensen, he goes from half hard to fully hard so fast it almost hurts. He's always suspected, has maybe imagined it a few times while jacking off, but suspecting something and actually experiencing it are two very different things, and Jensen now knows his imagination didn't do Jared justice. 

Running his hands down Jared's arms, he can feel the muscles bulging there, stretching the shirt he's wearing almost to the point where it's bursting at the seams, and Jensen moans into the kiss. 

Jared jerks back suddenly then, and Jensen's stomach instantly drops out, worried he's done something wrong. He's about to apologise when Jared's mouth latches onto his neck instead, and his words are lost in favour of letting his head thump back against the wall. Giving Jared room to work. Giving it all up for him. 

Jared's lips and teeth make their way up Jensen's bared throat in tiny teasing bites until Jared's mouth brushes Jensen's ear. 'I wanna fuck you, Jen. Can I?' He presses forward, the hard length of his dick rubbing against Jensen's ass. 'Can I fuck you, baby?'

Jensen's too far gone to do much more than nod, but it's clearly enough for Jared because he stops kissing Jensen and pulls him away from the wall. 'Hold on,' he whispers, tightening his hold on Jensen's thighs, and Jensen quickly brings his arms up to wrap around Jared's neck. Then lets himself be carried to Jared's room and gently laid down on Jared's bed. 

On. Jared's. Bed. _Jesus._

Unsurprisingly, it smells like Jared in here, with his pillows under Jensen's head, his sheets under Jensen's back, and the want coursing through Jensen's body redoubles. 'Need you,' he rasps out, spreading his legs wide in invitation, which Jared immediately takes him up on. 

'I've got you,' he says, dropping another quick kiss onto Jensen's lips before undoing the top button of Jensen's shirt. As soon as it's open, he drops a kiss onto Jensen's bared skin, then moves onto the next button, giving Jensen's chest another kiss. Again and again and again until Jensen's shirt is hanging open and his chest is tingling from the press of Jared's lips. 

Jared turns his attention to Jensen's jeans next, flicking open the button and pulling down his zipper so he can yank Jensen's jeans and boxers down in one swift movement. Jensen gasps as his dick meets the cold air of the room and his eyes flutter closed. 

How can simply undressing be _this_ hot?? It's like Jared's turning everything Jensen knows about sex on its head...just like he has with everything else in Jensen's life. Jesus _Christ_ , Jensen's not sure he's gonna survive this. 

He waits for Jared to drag his pants down his legs, maybe slide his shirt off his shoulders, but nothing happens. Frowning, he opens his eyes again to see what Jared's doing, only to find Jared kneeling next to him on the bed, just staring down at him. 

Jensen's gut tightens at the sight and all his insecurities come rushing back. Jensen works out, sure, but not like Jared. Jensen's seen Jared shirtless enough times to know how perfect his body, how sculpted and defined it is, how there isn't even a hint of softness about him. 

Or maybe it's seeing Jensen's dick that's done it. It's finally hit Jared what he's doing, that he's about the fuck a _guy_ , and he's realised how insane this all is. 

Or maybe it's just Jensen himself. Jensen, once again, not measuring up. 

Feeling tears prick his eyes, Jensen reaches for the duvet to cover himself but before his fingers even brush it, Jared's grabbing his wrist and pinning it beside his head. 

'What are you doing?' he asks, voice low and eyes dark as they bore into Jensen's. 'I'm not done looking at you yet.'

Relief crashes into Jensen so hard, he almost lets a couple of tears slip out anyway, but somehow he manages to blink them back. 

Jared seems to know something's wrong, though - he's always been crazy good at reading Jensen - and his grip on Jensen's wrist softens. 'Hey, what is it?' His eyes turn sad, and Jensen hates himself for putting that expression on his face. 'You thought I'd changed my mind? That I'd taken one look at you, all spread out for me, and decided to back out? Jesus, Jensen, never. You're beautiful, okay? And even if you weren't, I'd still love you, 'cause I love what's in here.' He lays his other hand on Jensen's chest, right above his heart, and Jensen can't help but shiver at the touch. 

The kiss that Jared gives him then is soft, worshipful, almost chaste, and it makes Jensen's heart skip a beat. He's never been kissed like this before. Like he's something precious. 

He's a shuddering mess when Jared finally pulls back and asks, 'Do you want to stop? I could just hold you and we could go to sleep?'

No-one's ever said that to him before either. No-one's ever just wanted to hold Jensen close. Jared really is too good to be true, and Jensen's still not quite sure that this isn't all a dream. But if it is, he doesn't want it to be over yet, so he shakes his head and pulls his hand out of Jared's loose grasp and reaches up to unbutton Jared's shirt. His hands are a little shaky, but he just about manages it. He can feel Jared's eyes on him the whole time, roaming over his naked body, and a light blush rises to his cheeks. 

Once Jared's shirt is all the way undone, he watches Jared push it off his shoulders and toss it onto the floor by the bed. 

And, fuck, he's gorgeous. His body's just as perfect as it's always been, but it's different now, because now Jensen's _allowed_ to look. He's allowed to touch. 

So he does. 

His touch is hesitant - this is all still so new to Jared; Jensen doesn't wanna do anything Jared doesn't want - as he skims his fingers over Jared's abs, the skin warm and smooth, and he has to bite his lip to keep from moaning. 

He's so busy staring that Jared catching his hand and pressing it flat against his stomach takes him by surprise and he startles. 'You can touch me,' Jared says, voice holding a hint of amusement. 'I want you to touch me.'

Jensen's hand is trapped against Jared's abs now by Jared's much larger hand, almost hiding it from view. Because Jared's just so big, all of him so much bigger than Jensen, and the wave of want that sends through Jensen leaves him a little dizzy. And, suddenly, he has to know. Needs to see if Jared is big everywhere, like Jensen's always imagined him to be. 

Leaving his left hand trapped under Jared's, he raises his right and makes quick work of Jared's zipper. He licks his lips as Jared's boxers come into view, the black cotton tented almost obscenely by Jared's dick, and he _wants_ it. In his hand, in his mouth, in his ass. All of it. 'Can I?'

'Anything, Jen,' Jared breathes. 

And that's all the permission Jensen needs to move his hand forward and wrap it around Jared's cock. They both groan, and Jared's grip on Jensen's other hand tightens when Jensen gives him a light squeeze.

Jensen can feel Jared hardening in his grasp, and his heart quickens in his chest, thumping hard against his rib cage, as he palms Jared through his underwear. 

'Okay, okay, I gotta...' And before Jensen can even open his mouth to ask Jared what he's gotta do, Jared's letting go of his hand and shoving his jeans and boxers down his legs. Jensen watches, transfixed, as Jared stands up and pushes them off all the way. 

And just like that, Jared's standing naked at the end of the bed, and Jensen doesn't know where to look. What to take in first: Jared's hard dick, which is inches longer and thicker than he ever imagined, the sharp cut of his hip bones, his strong thighs...the sly smile that's curving Jared's mouth when Jensen finally makes it back up to his face.

'See something you like, baby?'

 _Everything_ , Jensen thinks, but he can't gather enough coherent thoughts together to do more than nod dumbly. 

Smile widening, Jared bends down and yanks Jensen's pants and underwear off too, before doing the same with Jensen's shirt and tossing all of it on the floor to join his own clothes. 

'Beautiful,' he says again, climbing back onto the bed and placing his hands on Jensen's ankles, then running them up his calves, his thighs, until they rest on Jensen's hips. 'You're so goddamn beautiful, Jen.'

Jensen thinks of his 'cock-sucking lips', his too long 'girly' eyelashes, his ridiculous bowlegs, and shakes his head, cutting his eyes away.

'You're wrong, Jensen. So, _so_ wrong. You're the most beautiful person I've ever met, and I'm going to show you,' Jared says, his thumbs stroking lightly over Jensen's hip bones. 'And if it takes me forever to get you to believe it, then so be it, 'cause I'm not gonna stop till you see yourself like I see you.'

Jensen's lips tremble slightly at Jared's words, and so do his hands when he reaches up and pulls Jared down into a kiss. A desperate clash of mouths, of tongues and teeth, that Jensen feels all the way down to his toes. 'Make love to me, Jared,' he whispers when they finally break apart. 'Make me feel it.'

Jared lets his head drop forward onto Jensen's shoulder with a groan, before he nods and sits back up. 'Let me just...' he says as he reaches into his bedside table, rummaging around for a few seconds before pulling out a bottle of lube and a condom. He places the condom on the pillow next to Jensen's head before squirting some of the lube onto his long fingers.

'So I've obviously never done this before, so you're gonna have to tell me if I do something wrong, alright?' Jared says, scooting down the bed. 'Or if I hurt you.'

Jensen's so distracted by the view of Jared between his legs, spreading Jensen's thighs with his huge hands, that he forgets to answer. Until Jared squeezes his thighs gently and asks again, 'You got that, Jen? I'll stop as soon as you ask me to.'

This time, Jensen forces himself to give Jared a jerky nod, then goes back to watching him. 

There's a furrow of concentration wrinkling Jared's brow as he drags Jensen down the bed a little more, manhandling him just as easily as before, and like before, it sends a thrill of heat down Jensen's spine and a spurt of pre-come from his dick. No-one should look that hot frowning, but, of course, Jared does.

Jensen starts slightly at the feel of Jared's finger at his entrance - is this really happening?? He can't believe this is actually happening - and Jared's eyes flick up to Jensen's face. Checking Jensen's still okay. Jensen's heart gives a happy little flutter, and he tilts his hips up, pressing his ass down against Jared's finger. 

He hopes that's enough of a hint 'cause he's not sure he could actually form words right now. Not when he's on the cusp of getting everything he's dreamed of for the past two and a half years. And the one thing he'd always hoped he'd find.

Clearly, it is because Jared's finger starts moving, circling Jensen's hole, rubbing it and coaxing it to loosen before he gently pushes the tip inside. 

Inside him. Jared's inside him. Jensen has to reach down and grip the base of his dick hard to keep from coming just from that. 

Then Jared's finger's gone, and Jensen can't quite bite back the disappointed noise that makes its way up his throat. A warm chuckle floats up from between Jensen's legs, and Jared gives Jensen's thigh a reassuring stroke before squirting some more lube onto his fingers. 

Jared pushes his finger in deeper this time, sliding it in all the way up to the second knuckle before he stills, and Jensen's head drops back onto the pillow in frustration. He wants _more_. He's waited almost three damn years for this; he _needs_ more. 'More, Jared, I can take it.'

Jared's finger doesn't move. 'You sure?'

'Please,' Jensen begs, voice already wrecked, which is pretty ridiculous since they haven't even started yet. But then again, it's...Jared, and Jensen was already more than a little wrecked over him to begin with.

He hears Jared curse under his breath, and squirt out another dollop of lube, just before Jared's finger slides all the way into him. So long, so deep - and that's just a finger, fuck - and Jensen squirms against the mattress, moaning low in his throat, as Jared starts to pump his finger in and out of Jensen's body, opening him up. 

Jensen doesn't know if it's the noises he's making or Jared's own need that's spurring him on - and he doesn't really care. All he knows is he wants more. Wants it _all_ \- but Jared quickly adds a second finger, sliding it in beside his first, and Jensen's hands fist in the sheets. 

Fuck, fuck, _fuck_. 

Then Jared's fingers drag unexpectedly against Jensen's prostate, sending pleasure sparking through him, and it's all over. Jensen lets out a startled cry as his world whites out and he comes, shooting hard across his stomach and chest. 

When Jensen comes back to himself, he finds Jared staring at him with wide eyes, his mouth hanging open, and embarrassment immediately starts to creep its way across Jensen's skin. 

Oh god, he's just ruined it. Coming like a virgin on prom night before they even got to the fucking. 

Throat thick, he starts, 'I'm so sor-'

He's cut off by Jared's mouth slamming into his own. 

'Fuck, that was hot,' Jared mumbles against Jensen's lips. 'Hottest thing I've ever seen. God, your face. Your face when you came just on my fingers. Jesus Christ, you're so fucking hot...'

Jared's pretty much devouring Jensen mouth now, all teasing bites and deep licks inside him, and Jensen's chest is a mess of shivery relief and low-simmering arousal. Jared's fingers reach down to toy with Jensen's hole, looser now from his fingers, from Jensen's orgasm, as he keeps up the pressure of his lips against Jensen's. 

And Jensen's completely overwhelmed, even as his dick slowly starts to perk back to life. His brain can't process it all: Jared's mouth on his; his hard dick rubbing against Jensen's stomach; his long, long, fingers inside him; his toned body crushing Jensen's into the mattress. 

When Jared finally pulls back, Jensen's lips feel swollen and he sweeps his tongue over them to soothe the ache, and hears Jared groan, 'God, don't _do_ that.'

Jensen frowns, not sure what he did. 

'Fuck, you don't even know what I'm talking about,' Jared says, and, yeahhhh, Jensen really doesn't. Jared leans over him again then, staring right into Jensen's eyes, breath fanning over Jensen's lips as he adds, 'One day, I'm gonna fuck you in front of that mirror over there and show you just how gorgeous you really are.'

Jensen has no idea what he's supposed to say to that, but thankfully, he doesn't have to come up with anything because Jared just barrels on, 'But not today. Today, I'm gonna fuck you into this mattress so hard, you're gonna be feeling it for a week.'

Jensen's heart is racing, his skin electrified; he's never felt so alive. 'Do it,' he says, his voice barely more than a whisper against Jared's lips. 

With one last heated kiss, Jared moves back down Jensen's body and slides three fingers inside him. Even with the copious amounts of lube Jared's used and Jensen's orgasm, it still hurts, was never not going to with the size of Jared's fingers, and Jensen can't help flinching slightly at the stretch.

Jared's fingers still instantly. 'You okay, baby?' he asks, free hand rubbing soothingly at Jensen's thigh again. 

'Just...just give me a second,' Jensen says as he waits for his body to get used to the intrusion. And Jared does. He waits until Jensen's body eventually relaxes around his fingers, for Jensen to start pushing down against Jared's hand again, before continuing.

And when Jared curls his fingers a bit, curls them just right, Jensen's body gives a full body shudder as they drag over his prostate again. 'Fuck,' he breathes, toes curling against the sheets. Eyes squeezing shut. 

Jared's obviously sees his reaction and does it again. And again. Forcing Jensen closer and closer to the edge with every crook of his long fingers inside him.

 _Not yet_ , he thinks. He doesn't want to come again until Jared's inside him. 

It takes an embarrassing amount of effort for Jensen to pull his thoughts together enough to say, 'Wait.'

Just like before, Jensen's barely even finished speaking before Jared's stopped moving. It's sort of amazing really. None of Jensen's other boyfriends ever took this much care of him. Hell, some of them didn't even stop when Jensen begged them too. But Jared...

'You need me to stop?' he asks, voice deeper and rougher than Jensen's ever heard it. Opening his eyes again, he looks down at Jared between his legs, sees the hunger in Jared's eyes, sees his concern for Jensen shining even more brightly. Jensen didn't think he could love Jared any more than he already does, but Jared just keeps proving him wrong.

'No, no,' he says, shaking his head. 'I just...I don't want this to be over before you've...' He feels himself blush, which is utterly ridiculous given that Jared's currently got his fingers shoved up Jensen's ass, but he can't help it. 'I want _you_.'

'You sure you're ready?' Jared asks, sounding doubtful, and Jensen gets it. He's seen the size of Jared's dick, knows he should probably let Jared loosen him up a bit more, but he can't bear the thought of waiting any longer. He's waited long enough. And if he's honest, there's a part of him that wants to still be able to feel this tomorrow, for _days_ after, in case...in case, Jared decides he doesn't want Jensen after all and this is the only time Jensen gets to have this. 

He wants it to last for as long as possible.

'I'm ready,' he says, throat a little tighter than before, but either Jared doesn't notice - unlikely, given how attentive he's been - or he puts it down to how strung out Jensen clearly is.

So Jared nods, and withdraws his fingers, before crawling back up Jensen's body and plucking the condom from the pillow. He pauses for a moment, body held up by his hands on either side of Jensen's head, as he stares down at Jensen and says, 'I love you.' Before Jensen can reply in kind, Jared's leaning down and dropping a soft kiss on Jensen's lips. 

Then he sits back on his heels and rips the condom open with his teeth, and it's just about the hottest thing Jensen's ever seen in his life. Well, that is until Jared lowers his hand and slowly, ever so slowly, inch by hard inch, rolls the condom onto his dick.

Wraps his hand around it. Gives it a long, teasing stroke. 

_Jesus. Fucking. Christ._

A low chuckle breaks Jensen out of his daze and he blinks, eyes a tad dry from staring for so long, and looks up at Jared. 

And there's that wicked smile again: he did that on purpose, the bastard. Even so, Jensen's about two seconds away from launching himself at Jared, pushing Jared back and dropping down on that huge cock, when Jared reaches down and grabs Jensen's thighs. Presses them against Jensen's chest, damn near bending him in half as he positions himself at Jensen's entrance.

But he doesn't push in. Just waits with his dick at Jensen's hole and his hands grasping Jensen's thighs hard enough to bruise, and Jensen realises, with a pulse of affection, that Jared's waiting for Jensen to give him the green light. 

He doesn't bother trying to find words for how much that means to him - he's not sure he even could - and instead, just wraps his legs around Jared's hips and pulls him forward. His breath hitches when Jared slots inside, stretching him wider than Jared's fingers, wider than Jensen's ever been spread open before...Christ, Jared is huge. His eyes water slightly, but he doesn't stop until Jared's all the way in. 

It takes forever, endless seconds of Jared sliding inside him, but, finally, Jared bottoms out. Jensen lets out a long breath; he's never felt so full, never felt so connected to another person. 

'God, Jen,' Jared whispers, sounding as floored by all this as Jensen. 

When he starts to move, it's slow at first: long, drawn-out retreats that leave Jensen feeling empty and desperate, and long, inching thrusts back inside that leave Jensen feeling half mad with need.

'Faster, Jared, _please_ ,' he begs, hooking his ankles behind Jared's back and urging him on. 'I can take it, I can...' his words choke off as Jared's hips immediately start to move faster. Harder.

'This what you want, Jen? Like this?' Jared pants as he gives a particularly deep thrust that has Jensen's eyes rolling back in his head and his hands flying up to grab Jared's arms. To pull him closer. To hold on. He's not sure. He's not sure of anything.

Jared's fucking him in earnest now, long, powerful thrusts hitting Jensen just right every time, and Jensen's all but going out of his mind. Jensen's never come just on a guy's dick before, but he's pretty sure he's going to now. He bites his lip to stave off his orgasm for as long as possible. He wants this to last...he wants this to last forev-

'Don't, baby, don't,' Jared says suddenly, fingers gently pulling Jensen's bottom lip away from his teeth. 'Let go. I wanna see you come again. You're so fucking beautiful, I love you so much.'

And that's it. Jensen's done. The way Jared's looking at him, it's too much on top of everything he's feeling. Arching up into Jared's body, his dick gives one final twitch as he comes so hard, it leaves him light-headed. 

Then Jared's lips are there, stealing away what little breath Jensen had, and just when he's starting to think he might pass out, Jared releases him. Jensen hauls in a huge breath as his heart pounds in his chest, his skin flushed and slick, and Jared is...Jared is _everywhere_.

His hands are gripping Jensen's thighs again, holding him open as he thrusts into him,  
sending sparks up Jensen's spine, making his spent dick ache between his thighs.

It's too much - for his body, for his brain, for his heart - but he doesn't care: right now, he just wants to see Jared lose it. Knowing it was because of him.

And he doesn't have to wait long. Two more thrusts and Jared's hips stutter and his grip on Jensen's thighs tightens as he comes. His sweat slicked muscles flex and bunch as Jensen watches, and Jensen's pretty sure if he hadn't just come harder than he ever has in his life, the sight of Jared caught in this moment of ecstasy would be enough to push him over the edge. 

After a few seconds, Jared relaxes, slumping forward so that his body's resting against Jensen's. Every inch of them still touching, his softening dick still inside Jensen, keeping them connected just that little bit longer.

They stay like that for a little while, Jared's forehead leaning against Jensen's, lips close enough that they're sharing breaths, before Jared hauls himself up off Jensen, pulls out, and rolls onto his back next to him.

'Wow,' Jared says, sounding breathless and fucked out. Which is hot enough for Jensen's dick to give a half-hearted twitch. Jensen waits for Jared to take off the condom and toss it into the waste paper basket by his bed before sitting up. He's about to stand when he feels a hand on his arm. 

'Hey, where are you going?' 

Jensen licks his lips. He hates this part. But he's found over the years that most guys aren't the cuddling type, and that it's better to leave of his own free will than to get kicked out. 

So he gets to his feet and replies, 'Back to my room.' He's surprised by how steady his voice sounds 'cause this is way harder than it was with any of his other boyfriends. 

He's gathering up his clothes when he feels Jared come up behind him and wrap his arms around his waist. Jensen instantly relaxes back against Jared's chest; he can't help it. Even though this is probably it, probably all he's going to get, he doesn't know how to even _begin_ to pull back from this. Pull back from Jared again, so he can at least try to keep his heart from shattering completely when Jared walks away. 

_Goddammit_.

'So are you leaving because you want to leave, or because you think _I_ want you leave?' Jared asks, his voice pitched low, his lips brushing Jensen's ear. 'Because if _you_ want to leave, I'll let you go, but if you think that's what I want, you couldn't be more wrong.'

Jensen's breath hitches, eyes stinging suddenly, and Jared's arms tighten around him. 'I'm not them, Jensen. I promise you I'm not.' He walks them back to the bed, and releases Jensen just long enough to gently guide him back onto the mattress, then quickly wraps himself around him again, his chest to Jensen's back. 'I _love_ you, Jen, and I'm gonna make you forget about all those dicks who didn't know how to treat you right, okay?'

He sounds so sincere, so earnest, and Jensen wants to believe him _so_ badly. So just for tonight, he pushes away that voice that's telling him this can't be real, and settles back into Jared's embrace. 'I love you too,' he says, and his heart skips a beat when he feels Jared press a soft kiss to the nape of his neck. 

He tries to stay awake, to savour this perfect moment, but it's been a long, emotion-wrought night and barely a minute passes before his eyelids start drooping.

'I love you so much,' he repeats, half asleep but needing to say it again, in case this is his last chance. The words, and Jared's arm squeezing him tight, follow him down into sleep.

*****


	9. Chapter Nine.

** Chapter Nine. **

** Jensen. **

The next morning, Jensen wakes up feeling more sated and content than he can ever remember feeling. It's always a little bittersweet when he has an amazing dream like that, getting to ride the tail end of that happiness into consciousness, only to then have to deal with the crushing disappointment that none of it was real. That it was never going to be real.

Except, when he opens his eyes, the sight that greets him isn't the one that usually does after these dreams. For starters, this isn't even his bedspread. Startled by that realisation, his eyes dart frantically around the room, searching for some kind of explanation: that's not his cabinet either, or his bookcase, or his Pearl Jam poster. 

They're...they're all _Jared's_. Because he's in Jared's room. In Jared's _bed_. Because it wasn't a dream at all; it was real. 

And Jared told him that he loves him. 

Tentative hope curls in Jensen's belly as everything from the night before comes rushing back to him - 

_'I'm not them, Jensen. I promise you I'm not.'_

_'I **love** you, Jen, and I'm gonna make you forget about all those dicks who didn't know how to treat you right, okay?'_

_'You're beautiful, okay? And even if you weren't, I'd still love you, 'cause I love what's in here.'_

\- and he all but leaps out of bed so he can hurriedly pull on his clothes from yesterday. 

Maybe Jared _was_ telling the truth last night. Maybe Jensen's luck is finally starting to change. 

Maybe-

He pulls open the door, a wide, happy smile stretched across his face, and sees Jared making out with a girl on their sofa. 

He flinches backwards, breath hitching, hands shaking, heart _breaking_ , as he quickly closes the door again. Tears blur his vision as he stumbles around the room, gathering up his things, his chest aching so badly it's like someone just punched their fist through it. 

God, he has to get out of here. He can't bear to have the conversation where Jared tells him this was all a mistake. He just can't do it. Not again. 

Not with Jared. 

Shoving his feet into his sneakers, he crosses the room to the window and pulls it open. It's a pretty big drop if the fire escape decides to give out of him, but considering the alternative - walking past Jared and...and his new girlfriend - he's pretty damn sure it's worth the risk. So he wipes his face one last time, smearing HKS cheeks with tears, before taking a deep breath and climbing through it.

*****

**Jared.**

Jared's alarm goes off bright and early at 8:15, and he quickly leans over to turn it off. Thankfully, he gets to it before Jensen can do much more than frown in his sleep and snuggle closer to Jared's side. 

Jared smiles down at him, bringing a hand up to run his fingers through Jensen's hair, and not making any move to get out of bed, because why on earth would he? It's not like he's even _thinking_ about going to class today. Not when he could spend the whole day in bed with his new boyfriend, learning every inch of Jensen's body, finding every place that makes him shudder and gasp and come apart beneath his hands. 

He's just tracing a finger lightly over the adorable freckles dusting Jensen's nose when he hears the doorbell ring. 

What the hell?? Who calls round this fucking early?? 

Glaring, he grabs his cell from the nightstand, grumbling under his breath about how rude it is to knock on someone's door before 9 o'clock, only to blink in surprise when he sees that it's actually now 9:06. He's been staring at Jensen for forty five minutes?? Wow, he is so gone, it's not even funny. 

Huffing out a laugh, he gently untangles himself from Jensen - who lets out a tiny disgruntled noise before grabbing Jared's pillow to cuddle instead, which has Jared instantly deciding that whoever's at the door better be fucking dying for making Jared leave his boyfriend like this - and gets out of bed. He throws on the clothes he was wearing last night and heads out to answer the door. 

When he finally pulls it open, he finds the last person he ever expected to see standing on the other side. 'Sandy?' 

He and Sandy were high school sweethearts, but their relationship really didn't end well: in fact, she dumped him the day before his birthday with some lame excuse about needing to date other people now they were going off to college.

He never thought of it as a blessing until this moment, which, looking at it now, with everything that's happened since, it no doubt was. Because had she not dumped him, they would've roomed here together and he would never have met Jensen.

And while he might've loved Sandy, it was nothing compared to how he feels about Jensen. She didn't complete him the way Jensen does. He never believed in soulmates before, thought the idea of one perfect person made for you was kind of stupid, but he believes in it now. He and Jensen were _meant_ to be together; he's never been more sure of anything in his life.

Which begs the question as to why Sandy is standing on his doorstep right now. 'What are you doing here?'

'Can we talk?' she says. Now the shock of seeing her has worn off, Jared's mind decides to supply him with all the possible scenarios that could account for her suddenly contacting him after all this time, and none of them are good. Did something happen back home? Is someone they know sick? Obviously reading the mounting panic on his face, Sandy immediately adds, 'It's nothing bad, I promise.'

Relief washes over Jared at her words, but his confusion remains as he takes a step back to wave her inside. Hopefully, he can get whatever this is over with before Jensen wakes up, so it doesn't mess with his 'kissing his beautiful boyfriend awake' plans.

He watches Sandy head towards the sofa and sit down on the very edge of the cushion. Jared barely keeps from rolling his eyes. She would never have let him buy a beat up, second-hand sofa like this one, no matter how comfy it is. It was always like this with her, appearances before everything else, unlike Jensen, who was actually the one who found this sofa in the first place. Who loves its lumpy, worn, but ridiculously soft cushions probably even more than Jared does. 

How Jared ever thought he could be happy with someone like Sandy really is beyond him, and he shakes his head in bemusement as he walks over and takes a seat next to her. 

'Look, Jared,' she starts, her hands folded awkwardly in her lap, 'there's no easy way to say this, so I'm just gonna come out and say it. I think I made a mistake, okay? Us breaking up like that.'

'You dumping me you mean?'

She flushes guiltily and drops her gaze, but Jared doesn't get the rush of vindication he always thought he would if he ever got the chance to confront her about all this. Not now he's realised that she actually did him a favour all those years ago. 

'Um...yeah. Well, anyway, I saw you at Chad's last night, and you looked so good, and it hit me just how much I missed you. How none of my other boyfriends have ever been as good to me as you were. I was...I was wrong, Jared. I should never have broken up with you. We were great together back then, and I know we'll be great together now.'

And before Jared can even blink, let alone tell her how unbelievably wrong he is, he has a lap full of ex-girlfriend, and she's _kissing_ him. He's so surprised that it takes him a few seconds to get his arms moving to push her off him. 'No!' he hisses. 'What the hell are you doing?!'

'I know I hurt you, Jared, and I'm sorry, but we can get passed it. We can-'

'No,' he says again, voice firmer this time. 'I'm with someone else, and he's the most amazing person I've ever met.'

She flinches at that, then he sees the rest of what he said catch up with her in the way her eyes widen. 'He??'

'Yes, and he's waiting for me to get back to him, so you need to leave,' he tells her as he stands up and walks over to the door. 

Sandy doesn't move though. 'You're not...you're not _gay_ , Jared, you dated me for five years??'

'You're right, I'm not gay, I'm bisexual, but either way, he's it for me so...' he opens the door, 'bye, Sandy.'

'Jared, I...this is crazy...you can't possibly-'

'Bye. Sandy.'

And looking very much like a deer caught in the headlights, Sandy gets up from the sofa and walks out of his and Jensen's apartment. 

Closing the door behind her with a weary sigh, Jared makes a mental note to call his parents at some point today, before Sandy has the chance to blurt it out to anyone back home. He knows his parents won't care, will love him anyway, and they already _adore_ Jensen, but he wants the news to come from him. Rather than having them hear it through the grapevine like it's something sordid, something Jared's ashamed of, when that couldn't be further from the truth.

But first, he's got a boyfriend to kiss awake. He smiles, feeling more and more of the stress from that unpleasant encounter fall away the closer he gets to his bedroom, as he walks the last few steps and opens his door.

And sees that Jensen's...gone.

*****


	10. Chapter Ten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of my many New Year's Resolutions is to try and spend more time writing and less time editing, so I really hope this chapter is okay, and that 2018 has gotten off to a good start for you all. <333

**Chapter Ten.**

**Jensen.**

Jensen's not sure how long he's been walking, but it's been long enough for it to start raining and soak him to the bone. He barely feels it though. Barely feels anything beyond the deep ache in his chest. He can't believe it was just this morning that he was the happiest he's ever been; how did it come to this?

He listened to his heart, he let someone in, that's how. He should never have given in to his feelings. He should've kept them bottled up where they belonged, because he'd been so wrong: experiencing the one thing you want more than anything else, only to have it snatched away again is _way_ worse than never having it at all. At least before last night, he didn't know what it felt like to be kissed by Jared, to be the centre of Jared's world, to be looked at like he was the only person on the planet Jared even _saw_.

How's he supposed to move on from that?

Not to mention that he's probably lost his best friend on top of everything.

He's so lost in his quickly spiralling thoughts that he doesn't see the uneven pavement ahead of him, and when he trips, he goes down hard, scraping his hands and knees on the concrete. 

Letting out a bitter laugh - of course, of _fucking course_ \- he pushes himself back to his feet as he assesses the damage he's done to himself. His hands are scratched up pretty badly, his knees too where the concrete tore through the denim, and his chin stings which means he's probably got a scrape there too. 

And the really pathetic thing? He's almost grateful. At least this pain helps distract him a little from the throbbing in his chest. 

So. Goddamn. Pathetic. 

No wonder Jared doesn't want him. 

Who fucking would??

****

**Jared.**

Jared's been driving aimlessly around the city for three hours when he finally spots Jensen. He's completely soaked through, and his shoulders are slumped so low that guilt tugs hard at Jared's heart.

He's going to make this right, if it's the last thing he ever does.

Pulling the car over, he quickly climbs out, heedless of the rain pounding down on him. 'Jensen!!'

Jensen doesn't turn around; just starts walking faster away from him. Out of Jared's life. 

_Well, fuck that_ , Jared think as he jogs after Jensen and puts a hand on his shoulder. 'Jen, please.'

Jensen does stop then, but he doesn't turn around. Not until Jared makes him anyway, using the hand he has on Jensen's shoulder to gently pull him round until they're facing one another. And as soon as they are, as soon as he catches sight of Jensen's _face_ , Jared lets out a sharp gasp. There's a graze on his chin and his cheek, and when his eyes frantically drop to check the rest of Jensen out, he sees that there are similar cuts on his hands and knees. 

Anger bubbles up inside him as he carefully reaches for Jensen's face. 'Who did this, baby, 'cause I swear to god, I will fucking _kill_ them.'

Jensen flinches away from his touch, taking a step back. 'Are you for real right now??' Jensen asks, eyes wet as they stare up at Jared, voice cracking just a little. 'It was _you_!!'

Jared stumbles back a step at the accusation. 'I would never. I'd never lay a finger on-'

'No, no,' Jensen cuts in, 'not like that. I know you'd never do anything like that. I mean...I just...this morning, I was so fucking happy, and then I walk out of your bedroom and see you kissing... _her_.'

'Jen-'

'And I get it, I really do. You were drunk, it was a mistake, but, fuck, it _hurts_ , Jared. I was okay, not having you. Just being best friends. But now, I don't...I don't how I'm supposed to go back to that. That's what I've been trying to figure out, how to deal with this...this _hole_ in my chest. It feels like someone just reached inside me and ripped my fucking heart out.' Jared watches Jensen pull in a shaky breath, and it takes everything he has not to go over there and wrap his arms around him. 

'That's why I'm walking out here in the rain, that's why I didn't see the crack in the pavement, that's why I can barely even feel this,' he waves a hand towards his face, ''cause it doesn't hold a candle to how I feel in here.' His hand drops to his chest, and Jared can't stay quiet any longer; every word out of Jensen's mouth is like a punch to the gut.

'I'm so sorry, Jen, but it's not what you think, I promise.'

Jensen rolls his eyes, and turns to walk away, and Jared just can't let that happen.

'She's my ex, Jensen,' he yells after him. 'She turned up 'cause she wanted us to get back together, but I didn't even know she was coming, and I don't want that. _She_ kissed _me_ , and I was just too shocked to push her away at first, but when I did, I told her that I couldn't. That I had a boyfriend I loved. That I had _you_.'

Jensen's stopped walking but he hasn't turned back around, so Jared walks up behind him, and when Jensen doesn't move away, he wraps his arms around Jensen's waist and pulls him close. 'I was a little drunk last night, sure, but I'm not drunk now, and I still want you more than I've ever wanted anything. I still _love_ you.' 

Jensen turns of his own accord this time. He still looks uncertain, which Jared hates, especially since he's the one who put that uncertainty there, but he doesn't flinch away when Jared leans forward and places a soft kiss next to each of his cuts. 'I love you,' he says again against Jensen's skin. 'I love you so fucking much.'

'You mean it?' 

The words are so quiet that Jared barely hears them over the downpour around them, but he _does_ hear them. 'I do. I really, really do, Jen.' And he vows, right there and then, to never give Jensen any reason to doubt him ever again. 

Jensen's arms slowly come up to circle Jared's waist then, the touch light but unmistakably _there_ , and Jared's finally, _finally_ able to breathe easily again for the first time in hours as he tightens his arms around Jensen, tucking him against his body and resting his chin on the top of his head.

Jensen's very, very cold head.

Now he's no longer so frantic with worry that he can barely think straight, Jared's starting to pick up a few things. Like how Jensen's even more drenched than he thought, with skin that feels ice cold against Jared's own; like the way he's shivering slightly in Jared's arms. 'Jesus, Jen, you're fucking freezing.' And when Jensen looks up at him, _Jesus Christ_ , Jared sees that his lips are actually starting to turn a little blue. 'We need to get you home right now.'

He keeps his arm around Jensen's waist as he leads him over to his car, only letting go to help Jensen climb inside and then run around to get in himself. As soon as he's settled in his seat, he reaches over and takes Jensen's cold fingers in his own before flicking the heating on full blast. 

The fact Jensen doesn't pull away settles something deep inside Jared and he can't help but smile as he breaks every speed limit racing them back to their apartment.

*****


	11. Chapter Eleven.

**Chapter Eleven.**

Despite the blanket Jared laid over his shoulders, Jensen's still shivering pretty badly when they get back to their apartment. 

'Okay, we need to get you warmed up.' And before Jensen can say anything, argue that he's fine, despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary, Jared grabs his hand and pulls him into his bathroom. Leaning into the shower stall, he cranks the water up to its highest temperature setting before turning back to Jensen, who really is looking far more pale than Jared would like. 

'You know, we've gotta stop meeting like this,' he jokes as lifts the blanket off Jensen and tosses it on the floor. He immediately regrets it when Jensen doesn't smile - bringing up last night probably isn't the best idea right now, not when things are still so shaky between them - and quickly takes a step forward so he can gently cup Jensen's face. 'I kind of like my boyfriends _not_ frozen, if that's alright by you,' he adds, in an attempt to soften his earlier words, before dropping a tender kiss onto the tip of Jensen's cold nose. 

Stepping back again, he goes to make a start on removing Jensen's wet clothes. 'This alright?' he asks as he takes hold of the top button on Jensen's shirt. Jensen nods, then turns his attention to his pants, unzipping his fly and pushing them to the floor. Jensen's shirt quickly joins them, leaving Jensen standing in front of Jared in just his boxers. Jared places his hands on the elastic, smiling slightly at the way Jensen blushes and shyly drops his eyes as Jared pushes them down his legs. 

'Beautiful,' he whispers, pressing another soft kiss to Jensen's lips before pulling back the shower curtain. 'Okay, in you get, Jen; I'm gonna go and make you some hot cocoa.'

Jensen pauses then, one leg in the shower, one leg still on the bathroom floor. 'You're not...you aren't gonna join me?'

He sounds sad, almost _hurt_ , like maybe he thinks Jared doesn't _want_ to climb in there with him. As if it's not taking every ounce of willpower Jared has not to follow him into the shower and press him up against the wall. 

'You want me to?' Jared asks carefully, not wanting to push his boyfriend into anything when Jensen's already feeling so unsteady.

'Well, you got wet too, right? So you've gotta be cold too, and it would...um...save water if we both warmed up at the same time, and-'

Jared has to fight back a grin as he holds up a hand to stop Jensen's nervous rambling. 'Okay, Jen...just to save water.' Jensen's blush deepens at the wink Jared tosses his way.

Quickly stripping out of his own clothes, Jared steps into the shower and presses up against Jensen. 'Hey,' he says, pulling Jensen into his arms.

Jensen's already starting to look better, thank god. His skin has lost the almost deathly pallor it had earlier, and he doesn't feel cold to the touch anymore. Reaching past Jensen, he grabs the shower gel and squeezes some of it into his palm.

'You don't have to-'

'I want to,' Jared says, cutting him off, before smoothing the lather across Jensen's chest. Jensen lets out a gasp when Jared's thumb brushes over his nipple and Jared can't resist doing it again, just to watch Jensen's eyelashes flutter as his eyes fall closed.

Fuck, he's gorgeous.

Jared takes his time after that, gliding his hands all over Jensen's wet skin, massaging the tension from Jensen's shoulders and back, grabbing the shampoo and working some of it into Jensen's hair, combing his fingers through the wet locks over and over again, until Jensen's pushing into the touch, his entire body leaning into Jared's. Letting Jared take his weight. Letting Jared take care of him.

When Jared's sure Jensen's about to fall asleep on him, he nudges his nose against the side of Jensen's head and says, 'You still with me, baby.'

Jensen smiles then, slow and content, as he turns his head to look at Jared. 'Always.' And it should sound cheesy, like Jensen's using a line on him, but there's just so much honesty behind it, so much genuine warmth in Jensen's voice, that it doesn't. Jared is helpless to do much more than smile back as Jensen straightens up and goes to switch the water off. 

Jared stops him before he manages it though, placing his hand on top of Jensen's on the shower handle. 'Wait...' he says, pulling Jensen back against him. 

He's been so focused on warming Jensen up that he hasn't really noticed how much Jensen's obviously been enjoying Jared's hands on him, but he's noticing now. 'Want me to help you with this?' he asks, trailing his hand down Jensen's chest to rest just above his pubic hair. The intent is clear, but it needs to be Jensen's choice.

Jensen nods against Jared's shoulder, a low 'please' slipping past his lips, and Jared lets his hand drop down to wrap around Jensen's hard length. Jensen's knees instantly buckle a little, but Jared's ready for it, and his other arm wraps more tightly around Jensen's waist to hold him up.

Jensen's hand shoots up to grip Jared's arm, not to stop him, just to hold on, as Jared's hand on his dick speeds up. 'Jared...' he gasps, voice barely audible over the shower, right before his body tenses in Jared's arms and he comes all over shower stall wall. 

He slumps against Jared almost immediately and Jared can't help the fond smile that makes its way onto his face as he quickly cleans them up and turns off the shower. 'Do you need me to carry you out?' he breathes into Jensen's wet hair. 

He feels Jensen shake his head, but moves his hands to hold onto Jensen's waist anyway, just in case, as Jensen steps out of the shower stall. Jensen reaches out to grab a towel but Jared beats him to it, wrapping his biggest, fluffiest towel around Jensen's shoulders and grabbing a second one to wrap around his own waist.

'Come on,' he says, nudging Jensen towards the door. 

Once they leave the bathroom, Jensen heads towards the kitchen, but Jared pulls him up short, before guiding him back to his bedroom instead.

'But I should prob-'

'No, we're going back to bed.'

Jensen doesn't argue: just lets Jared take him back to his bedroom. When they're inside, Jensen shrugs the towel off his shoulders, revealing inch after inch of smooth, pale, perfect skin and, God, Jared doesn't know how he's ever going to be able to leave their apartment again. How he's ever going to be able to concentrate on anything outside these walls, knowing that this is waiting for him at home. 

He watches Jensen climb onto the bed, on top of the covers rather than underneath them. Jared gives a fond eye roll, making a mental note that orgasms obviously scramble Jensen's brain, and moves to pull the covers out from under Jensen. Jensen shoots him a confused look as he obediently rolls off the covers so Jared can grab them and place them over him. 'I don't understand; don't you want to...'

It takes Jared a second to realise what Jensen's saying, and when he does, his heart gives a painful twinge in his chest. He can't bear to think about how awful some of - _most_ of - Jensen's boyfriends must've been for Jensen to assume Jared would even _think_ of fucking him when he's so drained. When he so clearly doesn't want it.

'No, baby,' he says, climbing in next to his boyfriend and wrapping his arms around him, 'we're just gonna sleep. It's been a long morning; I think we could both use a little more rest.' 

And if he's holding Jensen a little more tightly than he normally would, well...Jensen doesn't seem to mind, or he's still too new to being held like this to know the difference; either way, Jared's glad because, after today, after almost losing Jensen forever, he's not quite sure he could let go of him, even if he wanted to. Which he doesn't. 

Not now. Not ever. 

*****


	12. Chapter Twelve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The waffles were just for you, Somer. In celebration of your 5000th. Love you. <333

** Chapter Twelve. **

Jared wakes up a few hours later - naturally this time; no shrill alarm blaring in his ears - and smiles as he turns towards Jensen. Who's lying peacefully beside him, his arm curled loosely around Jared's middle, and it almost feels like Jared's day's been reset. All that stress and worry and pain washed away with the rain.

And if he _has_ been given a second chance, Jared's going to do it right. He's not answering the door, or his phone or his emails or anything else that could potentially mess things up again, no matter what happens. The outside world doesn't exist today as far as Jared's concerned; it's just him and Jensen and this exciting, new thing growing between them.

But first...a do-over means he gets to kiss his sleeping boyfriend awake. Like he'd wanted to earlier, before everything had gone to hell. So leaning over, he presses a soft kiss to Jensen's forehead, then one to the tip of his nose, then another to each of his cheeks, and eventually one to his lips. 

Jensen's eyes flutter open then, impossibly green and breathtakingly beautiful as they stare up at Jared, and Jared whispers a low 'hey' against Jensen's lips before kissing him again. More deeply this time. Jensen opens for him easily, allowing Jared to dip his tongue inside, arching up against Jared's body. Jared lets himself get lost in the kiss for a few more moments before finally releasing Jensen's mouth and pulling back to smile down at him.

'How are you feeling?' he asks, skimming a hand down Jensen's side, fingers tracing the line of his body under the sheets.

Jensen's cheeks are adorably pink as he replies, 'Great, thanks.'

'Not too cold?' Jared checks. He knows that he tends to run a little hot, and Jensen _was_ practically frozen just a few hours ago.

'I'm okay,' Jensen says with a shrug, and if Jared didn't know him as well as he does, he might've believed him. But he _does_ know him, almost as well as he knows himself, so he quickly grabs a second blanket from the floor and throws it over them. Of course, Jensen immediately starts to protest, 'Really, Jay, I'm fine, I don't mind, I know you get hot so-'

Jared cuts him off with another kiss. 'Gotta let me take care of you sometimes, okay?' he says when they break apart. 'Gotta let me in.'

Jensen drops his eyes, drawing his bottom lip between his teeth. 'I...I _want_ to; it's just hard.'

'I know,' Jared says gently. 'But that's alright. We can work on it together. You just have to remember that all I want is for you to be happy. There are no tallies or conditions or punishments in this relationship. We're a partnership. It's give and take; we lean on each other, okay?'

Jensen's eyes are a little wet when he finally raises them again, nodding at Jared as he does so. 'Okay.' His voice is a little shaky, but the smile he gives Jared is like sunshine on a rainy day and it warms Jared to the core to see it. To know that he's the one who made Jensen smile like that.

So he kisses him again, just because he can...and also because he's a little afraid that if he doesn't give his heart some other outlet, it might just explode from everything he's feeling right now. From how much he loves the man lying next to him. 'Alright, how about I rustle us up some breakfast?' 

'Breakfast?' Jensen says, quirking an eyebrow at him. 'I think that ship sailed about eight hours ago, Jay.'

'I don't know what you're talking about,' Jared says, reaching over to grab his alarm clock so he can wind it back. 'It's only 9am.' He shows Jensen the altered clock face, as though Jensen wasn't right there watching while he changed it, and adds, 'Waffles?'

Jensen huffs out a laugh and shakes his head. 'You're crazy...' But his voice is fond, and his eyes are soft as he says it, and Jared just grins in response. It's not like he's _not_ a little crazy, after all, and he's _definitely_ crazy about Jensen so...

'And bacon. Can't have breakfast without bacon. Oh, and maple syrup. Lots and lots of maple syrup.'

'Where do you even fit it all??' Jensen says, sitting up a little. It's a question he's asked Jared at least a hundred times since they met, usually accompanied by a wide eyed expression as Jared gobbles down enough food to feed a family of four in one sitting, but his eyes flicking down to Jared's bare torso, and _lingering_ there, is new. As is the flush on his cheeks as he stares, and how breathless he sounds. 

Jared's smile turns mischievous, and he leans in close enough for his lips to brush Jensen's ear as he replies, 'Gotta keep my energy up for my new boyfriend. He's super hot and super amazing, so I'm gonna be beating them off with a stick, you know?'

Jensen rolls his eyes and shoves Jared in the chest, pushing him back, but Jared doesn't miss the way his blush deepens. Or the way his face turns serious as he says, 'You know there's no-one else, right? There's never gonna be anyone else for me. You're the only person I wanna be with.'

Jared's heart stutters in his chest. He wants to beg Jensen to say it again so he can maybe record it and play it over and over. But...that sounds a little obsessive even in his own head, so instead he just says, 'I better be,' before stealing another kiss from Jensen's lips and climbing off the bed. He sees Jensen moving to follow him, but quickly pushes him back onto the mattress, 'Oh no, you're staying here.'

Jensen bites his lip for a moment, looking a little uncertain, before he asks, 'Are you sure, Jay? I really don't mind giving you a hand? I mean, you and the kitchen...' 

It's Jared's turn to roll his eyes this time. 'It's just waffles, Jen; how hard could it be?'

****

Hard. 

Really fucking hard.

'Fuck, fuck, _fuck_ ,' Jared growls as he burns his hand on the waffle maker for a _third_ time. He doesn't understand how people even use these fucking things. They're a safety hazard. They should be banned. 

And they're not _just_ a safety hazard; they won't even do the job they're designed for and make Jensen the waffles he's been waiting for for the last half an hour. Jared's currently on his third batch, and while he hopes this one's gonna turn out better than the last two, he doesn't hold out much hope, given that he's pretty sure he can already smell burnt batter. _More_ burnt batter.

He's seriously considering just tossing the waffle maker out the window when he suddenly remembers the bacon he threw into the frying pan ten minutes ago, to make sure it would be ready in time for the waffles. Rushing over to the stove, he stares glumly at the black, charred meat.

Fuck. Everything.

'Um...you look like you could use a hand?'

Jared's shoulders slump and he closes his eyes. He can't believe he's doing this to Jensen _again_ , but this time it's so much worse because Jensen's his _boyfriend_ now. His boyfriend who's dragged himself out of bed - no doubt because the godawful smell emanating from the kitchen has finally reached him - so now their breakfast in bed is totally ruined. 

Turning around, he starts, 'I'm sor-' only for the rest of the words to die in his throat at the sight of Jensen standing by the kitchen table in nothing but one of Jared's shirts. 

Jared instantly takes back everything he just said: this time is so, so much _better_. Like a bazillion times better.

Jensen shuffles his feet a little where he's standing, fingers nervously playing with the hem of Jared's shirt where it brushes his thighs - thighs that have Jared's handprints on them, _fuck_. 'I...I hope this is okay. I didn't wanna have to go back to my room for some clothes, but...I can if you want me to.'

Jared's across the room in a second, taking hold of Jensen's face as he says, 'If you even _think_ about changing, I'm gonna tie you to this chair. In fact, I think from now on, you should _only_ wear my clothes.'

Jensen gives him a shy smile at that and a quiet 'okay' before asking, 'So...shall I make us some breakfast then?'

Jared steps back with a sigh and runs a hand through his hair. 'Yeah, I'm really sorry, Jen. I was sure I could handle it just this once, but obviously the waffle maker and frying pan decided to team up and sabotage me.'

'Oh no, do you think the cops have a task force for that?' Jensen teases as he walks over to the stove and tosses the burnt bacon into the bin. 'Someone we can call to save you from this kitchen appliance tyranny?' 

'You weren't here, Jen; you don't _know_ ,' Jared shoots back, mock serious.

'Uh-huh,' Jensen says, giving the burnt waffles the same treatment as the bacon. 'How about you sit down and let me rescue you for once, huh?'

As Jared watches Jensen bustle around their kitchen, humming to himself as he goes, he's struck, once again, by how much of an idiot he is. How could he have not realised how much he loves Jensen when seeing him happy makes _him_ this happy?? 

Unsurprisingly, it takes Jensen no time at all to whip them up some waffles and top them with bacon and maple syrup. He even adds chocolate chips to Jared's, despite the way it makes him grimace a little as he does it, 'cause he knows how much Jared likes them. And 'cause clearly he's the best boyfriend in the entire world. 

He starts back to the table with the two plates, but Jared gets up and heads him off. Taking the plates from Jensen's hands, he leads the way back to his bedroom. 'I promised you breakfast in bed, Jen, and you're getting breakfast in bed,' he says, tossing a wink over his shoulder.

The sound of Jensen's laughter echoes down the corridor behind him, warm and relaxed and _happy_ , and Jared decides right there and then that every single burn on his hands, every bit of the batter in his hair, was more worth it.

****

When they're finished, Jared places the plates on the floor beside his bed and turns back to Jensen. 

'You should totally just move your stuff in here?' 

He blinks. Then blinks again. He really hadn't meant to say that. He'd just been thinking how good Jensen looks in his bed, and how he's never gonna be able to sleep without him anymore, and it had sort of just...popped out. Sugar always makes him stupid. 'I...uh...that's probably a little too much, right? Too much too soon??' he says, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. 'Sorry.'

But Jensen surprises him once again when he says, 'I'd actually really like that...if it's okay with you?'

'You would??' Jared says, beaming, all awkwardness forgotten in the face of Jensen's own eagerness. Jensen nods, returning Jared's smile. 'And we can totally move into your room if you'd rather, but since mine's bigger, and has a bigger bed, I figured this one would be better. But I'm fine either way, as long as you're with me,' he finishes, lacing his fingers with Jensen's. 

'No, it's fine, I always liked your room better anyway.' 

'Should've called tails instead of head then, shouldn't you?' Jared replies playfully, lifting Jensen's hand so he can bring it to his lips.

'Nah, you never would've fit this huge ass bed in there, and then I'd have never heard the end of how I'd _doomed_ you to sleeping on a "tiny",' he even uses air quotes, the dick, 'normal sized person mattress.'

The end of the word trails off into a yelp as Jared tackles him, and after a brief tussle, Jensen ends up lying flat on his back, staring up at Jared above him. His arms are pinned on either side of his head by Jared's hands, and his cheeks are flushed and he's breathing hard, and he's so goddamn beautiful, it almost hurts to look at him. 'You like how big I am,' Jared says, a little breathless himself. Although, he's pretty sure that's got more to do with having Jensen under him than the wrestling. 'Admit it.'

Jensen's smile widens, turning a little coy as he replies, 'Maybeeeee.'

Jared barks out a laugh and can't resist bending down and dropping a quick kiss onto Jensen's lips. ' _Definitely_ ,' he says with a grin, flexing his hands around Jensen's wrists just to hear Jensen gasp. Feel squirm in his hold. 'You like that I can hold you down. Manhandle you however I want.'

Jensen licks his lips - a brief flash of tongue that's hotter than it has any right to be - and nods, his green eyes turning heated. Promising to give Jared anything he wants. 

And it's clear that Jared could quite easily turn this snuggle session R-rated - tug Jensen's shorts down, finger him open, and slide inside - but he doesn't think that's what Jensen needs right now. He's obviously been taught by his many shitty boyfriends that his best, and perhaps only, attribute is what he can offer in the bedroom and Jared's determined to show Jensen that's not true. Not true at all.

Their relationship may not have had the best start, which is something Jared can't do anything about now, but he _can_ do things differently from here on out. This is their clean slate after everything that's happened, and Jared's going to do it right this time. So instead of pressing Jensen into the mattress like Jensen clearly expects him to, he loosens his grip on Jensen's wrists and lets him go.

And before Jensen can read it as a rejection, or like he's done something wrong, Jared wraps an arm around his shoulders and pulls him up against him. Reaching over to grab the remote from his bedside table, Jared flicks on the TV and puts on one of the movies he recorded on his DVR a while back. Just in case Jensen ever wanted to watch it and couldn't find his copy of it.

Talk about love sick. And he's definitely a fool for not realising it sooner.

As expected, Jensen immediately says, 'God, I _love_ this movie,' as he snuggles closer to Jared, getting comfortable under the covers.

Jared smiles, satisfied that he made the right call, and presses a kiss to the top of Jensen's head. 'I know.'

THE END.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, everyone. And for all the comments and kudos and love you left me along the way. I appreciate it all so much. xx


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